Boring!

Wow..What a lame day. Its 1pm and I am still in my pj's. I cant get myself to do anything! I need to shower and go to the gym..yeah, Iknow. Normally you go to the gym and then shower..whatever. I do what I want;0)

This past couple of weeks have been fun. Jessica and I hung out. she got to meet some of my friends and stay the night. My windsheild wipers wouldnt work and it was raining like crazy. So she had to stay with me poor thing. I had a lot of fun though!

Chris, Kyle, Matt, Shannon and I went to the Angel of Hope site this week to see if they put Ava's brick in..but it was locked up!! I was so upset. But then we got this grand idea to break in..so we did..actually we rolled under the gate. lol, I felt kind of funny doing that, but I really wanted to be there. I took some pictures of the Angel here in Santa Maria..this is what it looks like.

This week...I played basketball like 5 times, worked out at the gym with my favorite person Michelle,and went to Chris' birthday party. Fun fun fun! Goodtimes. Its better summed up with pictures ;0)

Oh yeah! Randy and chelsea Got married a couple of days ago. Jason was the best man. he did a great job! The wedding was beautiful and a lot of fun!

Well..I guess I will go shower now. Love you all.

So yeah..just wanted to share some photos with ya. enjoy.


My friend Danny doesnt even know Ryan is behind him,..this picture pretty much scares me and cracks me up at the same time.
My sister and My Daddy. I miss both of them!
Ryan and Ryan being Ryans. Ryan Newman just got dreads..I love them!
Chris and I at Hunters and Matt being a wierdo in the background

The chris Stanfill! This guy is gonna go far!

This is Carter. I just started my new nanny job at the start of this month. he is way way cute!
my sister sam and I being silly
My brother Matt and my sister steph on Christmas

anyway. there ya go!

Get out of my house!

Yesterday im sitting on the couch watching The Office..Amazing show...when I hear yelling at my door.."YOOOHOOOO IM HERE WITH A GOOD DEAL...HEEELLLOOOO!" UMMMM. Knocking would have done..Im just saying... So I answer the door and it a sales women trying to sell this cleaning supply stuff. She is talking like crazy. I cant even understand her. "this stuff if none toxic and can clean anything"....ok. so at this point im just gonna let her finish talking to get it over with. Im pretty sure that where I made the mistake. "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" She proceeds to take the spray tube out of the cleaner AND LICKS THE WHOLE TUBE..OMG. I was so grossed out. But it gets worse. She put the cap back on and sprays my hand!!! YUCK! now I have spit and cleaner on my hand and she didnt even ask me! Then she comes in my house uninvited and starts cleaning things. My stove, my refrigerator, my floor, the door handle.. not letting me get a word in. I called Jason and he said no, not to buy it. so I told her no. She was sooooo MAD! she went storming out of my house mumbling like a crazy person..I think im to nice.

saved $35 at albertsons! just thought you should know.


So. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to give up on something? One day your totally pumped up about it and then the next day you could care less. Thats how I am about this whole diet thing. Im actually doing very well, but Im so afraid I will do the norm and give up on it in a couple of weeks. At least Im seeing results, so maybe that will help. Even if it takes me a whole year, I just need to stick with it. I have a gym buddy now! Well, actually two. I have noticed that just having them helps out a lot. Michelle and Kyle both got a membership at Golds with me. We have been having a lot of fun with this. So hopefully we can stick with it. In fact, Michelle and I are getting ready to go in just a little bit..one question..do you weigh more after you work out? I know that sounds dumb, but my clothes are always tighter after I work out..oh well..

anyway, there ya go. have a great day!

I totally saved 40 bucks at Albertsons.

IM SO COLD! Can you believe its supposed to get down to 19 degrees tonight! Thats crazy! How can it be so cold without any snow. thats just sad. My gas bill is going to be sooo high, oh well, I guess its better then freezing. I heard that it was 12 degrees at hume and pastor James already has a cold.. and that sucks! Im so glad im not there right now.

So my best friend Whitney had her baby about a week ago. Lucas was born with 80% of his body covered with a black birthmark. Its like a huge mole covering his body. Poor baby, They are testing him and should know by next week if it is cancer. They had to fly the baby from Alaska to Seattle. They think they will be there for another month or so. So please keep them in your prayers :0) thankyou!

SO! Yesterday a group of us went to see Dr. Phil again! It was sooo much fun. Except for the 2 hours of sleep I got the night before. we had to get up and leave by 4 am. blah. Do you know when the last time I saw 4 am was...because I dont. But It was all worth it. The show was on weddings gone bad or something like that. Pretty funny, let me tell you! Despite the cold weather and being squished in a car for 3 hours, It was awesome!

Oh YEAH! I joined weight watchers..lol for some reason every time I tell someone that I joined I start laughing..anyway. I've lost like 5 lbs since saturday. crazy! I just take a walk here in there, Drink lots of water, and eat whatever I want in my point range and Im good. So yeah, this is something I know I will stick with. I went to albertsons and got all kind of healthy food. So you know how you can save money when you use your albertsons card? I totally saved 40$!!! I was so excited. lol. Just thought you all should know.

So here is a picture of me right now just starting the diet. well..its not the greatest but its all I got..

Here is what I hope to look like when im done.

Thats right. Shakira.

So yeah. of course I wont be half naked like her, but you know. whatever.

Well, I hope that you have all been greatly amused by my blog..I just bored myself from writing it. so have fun!

2006

2006 has come and gone..here are some things I experienced in 2006..

This year I discovered Will and Grace....I know, crappy picture..but what a funny show...I kind of feel bad that it is my favorite show..should I feel bad? lol..oh well.

Tanyas car was in the middle of a war zone..lol. "someone" put a bunch of army men all over tanyas car one night when she was at my house. Let me tell you, that was soooo funny!!! major points for the person/people who did it!

In 2006 Mrs. Elder went to be with the Lord. We miss her so much but we know that she having a grand time in heaven..No more pain, no more sickness. How lucky she is to be in presence of the Lord. I wonder if she has met my baby girl yet.

In 2006 I got an awesome Job as a nanny to this beautiful girl! I had so much fun and I miss her. Im so glad I got to play a part in her growing. I love her!

OH MAN...Who could forget Dr. phil. In 2006 I got the chance to be in the audience at his show..what a blast!! I had such a good time. Dont forget you guys, the show is going to be on early this month. I will let you know when I find out the date!

Thats right. I decided to go dark this year..My poor hair..its going to fall out if I dont leave it alone!

As you all know, Last year Jason and I got the amazing news that we were going to have a baby. And we did. She is with the Lord now. we miss her so much, I cant wait to see Ava Nicole again. She truly was a blessing! even if we only had her for that short time.

Jason and I celebrated our first year of marriage in 2006! What an amazing husband. Its true, words really cant express how much I love him!

Oh yeah!! My baby sister went off and got married! ;0) She is now living in NC for a couple months. Then her and her husband Michael are off to NJ. We miss you Stephanie!!!

WEll...there ya go! Im sure many exciting things happened in 2006, but thats all I could remember. ;0) Hope you all enjoyed your year. And I hope 2007 is full of amazing times for you. love you all!

I will end on this note. Even though we have started a new year..Dont forget what you have been through and what you have learned...


Deuteronomy 4:9

9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

swing life away

Well, Stephanie and her husband Are gone. They left for NC the other day. They are almost there. They had a big trip ahead of them.Can you believe they are driving there! The good thing is, the military makes them stop every 500 miles to rest at a hotel. So thats good. I miss both of them so much. I cant believe my little sister grew up so fast. Now she is married and has moved away. I dont think it really hit me until today that she is so far . It has made me so sad.. I know its just part of life, but we are going to miss out on so much. I just pray that the Lord will bring them to an amazing church where she can meet some awesome christians and make lots of friends. Im so afraid she is going to be lonely there. But Im sure God has awesome plans for her and her husband.Well, here are some pictures of us...just some memories.

Christmas tree, oh christmas tree

I'm happy to say that my Christmas tree has lasted the whole month of December!!! After seeing the reports on the news, I was almost positive it would go up in flames. In fact, I dreamed that I lost everything in a terrible house fire caused by the neglect of my Christmas tree. The amazing tree didn't even dry up. I'm thinking about keeping it up year round just to see how long Pamela will last. ;0) (highly unlikely).In case your wondering, that is what I named my tree. In some weird way it seemed to fit. Jason and I started a tradition last year of watching a Christmas Story and Spongebob Christmas on Christmas Eve..So much fun! I hope we stick with it.

Christmas turned out great.. I felt the same overwhelming love for Christ that I have been feeling this past month. Maybe a little more. I think I actually truly felt the whole meaning of Christmas this year. Of course I grew up knowing that it is was the Celebration of Christ birth,and I always say a little prayer. But this year was different. Maybe because I have had to depend on him so much this year.. Its sad that it took a tragedy to truly give myself to the Lord, But I guess it was all in his plan.

The only thing that bummed me out was the vibe at my grandmas house on Christmas Eve.I tried to cheer people up, but its hard when your heart is breaking at the same time. It has just been a hard year for a lot of us. Its hard to understand why Christmas brings out sadness when it is supposed to be a happy, joyful day. I have been doing fine, but when I woke up on Christmas I just felt an overwhelming sense of sadness for Ava. I suppose it is just a human emotion that wont really go away. and its OK if it doesn't. As long as the God is with us we are fine.

The one gift that really got to me this year is a beautiful necklace that my sister Stephanie got for me. Its two white gold hearts with diamonds in it. at first I thought "oh how beautiful. that's a very sweet gift (and expensive gift)." then I turned the necklace over and read what was engraved on the back...

"A mother holds her daughters heart forever"

And I cried. And the gift was no longer just beautiful and expensive. It is a beautiful reminder of blessing that was given to us, even for just a short time.

Well, I hope you all had a great Christmas. I know I did. I'm so glad to have spent it with family and friends! I hope the same for you! love you all!

PS..Sorry if I write about the baby to much. I suppose that's what a blog is for. writing about your thoughts..anyway, love you.

two years

So, it was brought to my attention that I have been on this blog thing for over 2 years!! CRAZY! I cant believe I have has this thing so long. Sorry If I have bored you all to death in these two years, I will try and make my writing a little more interesting...Starting tomorrow.

Anyway, I have so much to day today. Its bad. So instead of being the responsible adult that I should be, I just sat around with my mom watching soaps and eating cookies for breakfast. lol. Oh man. It was fun. I dont really get to spend quality time with her. haha. Its funny that quality time is watching soaps and being lazy. What has this world come to?

So, Im going to Target. gonna finish up some last minute shopping and then send off some Christmas cards. I h0pe its not to late for that.

So what are your plans for Christmas? I wanna know. Im going to my aunts house with the whole family to partake in a huge game of bunco..Im freakin excited. You have no idea. ;0)

love you all.

Its gonna be ok.

Today was weird... I have good days, weeks even...But then I have those random days when I am just a mess. Little things get to me. Seeing pregnant people really gets me.. Having friends call me up to tell me they are pregnant gets to me. Its not their fault, im not mad at them. It just hurts me for some reason. Im happy for them and wish them the best and want to be a part of their lives. I just can't handle it right now I guess. I guess I thought God would heal me overnight. I actually thought he did. But I suppose its all in him timing. Maybe People never heal from losing a baby. Who knows...I just know that God gives me peace and gets me through the day. He will never give me more then I can handle.. Today is today. Its almost over.. Tomorrow should be better.

A lot of people have asked me what my future will be like as far as having children. Dont be afraid to ask questions, I dont mind. Im ok talking about it. I will be able to have children. When I get pregnant I will have a surgery called a cerclage. Basically to close my cervix..(I wont go into detail..I know you guys out there get a little uncomfortable with this stuff.) Anway, I will have the surgery at 12 weeks. Then its bedrest. Basically my cervix isnt strong enough to hold the weight of a baby..so when Ava reached a certain weight, I pretty much went into labor. The cerclage will hold the baby in. But I cant get out of bed except to take a shower, go to the bathroom, eat...Its a gravity thing. The surgery works 90-95% of the time. So yeah, I can have children. I just have to be on bedrest for 6 months...so there ya go. ;0) We will be trying again in March or April. We just want to give Ava her time. Her due date was in March.....


love you all!
AShley

Dr. Phil

So JAZ!!! Here is my update on the Job interview..

It was DUMB!!! Instead of interviewing me for the position I applied for , they wanted me to work for the Santa Maria Times doing the phone lines..Taking all the calls from the angry people and calling people to make them pay their bills...and they would want me to work the weekends..and they only pay 7 $ and hour. Dumb..so I didnt take it. But I did just get a job as a nanny again. Starting in January. I figured That since I will be trying for another baby around march, I shouldnt get a professional job right now. I would just have to quit when I get pregnant..and the lady I will nanny for knows the situation. Oh yeah, and I would only have to work 3 days a week..for 11 hours though...ahhh. but its ok. the baby is 8 months old. HE is sooo cute! so we will see how that goes.

DR PHIL!!!! well, im leaving in a couple minutes to go to pasadena..then in the morning My sister, and friend Caitlin and I are going to Hollywood to see DR PHIL!!!!!! Im so excited. I cant believe we got tickets! Its gonna be a blast. I will post more later about how the show went.

Well, thats all for now. love you all!!!

Job anyone?

Well, I have a job interview at Santa Maria Times tomorrow..So im pretty exciting..I wish I could still be a nanny for Riley. But I would feel to bad for taking the new girls job. She is so sweet! And Its good for Riley to play with the new nannys baby..I Do miss her so much though. here is a picture of her incase you dont know how freakin cute she is.

cute huh?

I Do love that kid.

So lately things have been going well. Jason and I are getting by. Only through Christ that is. The strenth that he gives is amazing.

STEPHANIE IS MARRIED!!!!!!!!!! Her And her husband Mike are moving to new Jersey in a month. can you believe that. sooo wierd. Here they are. Its not a wedding photo but I will put some up when I see them. The photo below is how sad sam and I because she is leaving..bababababbababababa....

Ok..well im gonna go. lve you all. do you people read this?

If you want me to

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You
do I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to

Chorus: Cause I'm not who I was When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valleyIf You want me to
When I cross over Jordan,I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
I'm gonna look into Your eyes and seeYou never let me down
So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You
And I will walk through the valley If You want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valleyIf You want me to

Ava Nicole Is with Jesus

Well, I cant write about it right now...And Jason is a better writer anyway. So here is the blog he put on myspace about what happened. Please pray for us. thankyou. :0)

My little Ava was born on Sunday October 30, 2006 at 4:12am after my amazing wife was in labor for over 20 hours. She endured back labor, which is much stronger (I've been told) than normal labor which is normally in the abdomen(?). But the doc delivered Ava, and after just a couple minutes, I went into the shut-off area of the room and I got to hold my litle Ava.Just to let you know... this was the scariest thing I've had to do. I was so scared that this experience was going to be absolutly horrifying. I had some wierd images in my mind of how she might look. And the truth is...she was beautiful.Ava had very long legs, and was very tall. 9 inches. She would have passed up her mommy easily. She only weighed about 7.2 ounces. And she was just uinder 5 monthes in the womb. She had her moms lips for sure! But she had many more of my features. (insert ugly joke here).Ash has a condition called having an "incompetant cervix." The cervix is what holds the baby inside the mothers body, and when the baby is ready to come out, it opens up during labor, and the baby is born. Ashleys cervix is not strong enough to hold a baby- so once the baby got so big and so heavy, gravity started pulling the baby out of Ash's body.
The doctors had Ashley in a reclined position, where he head was lower than her body, like laying down on a hill, with your head facing the base. This (in theory) lets gravity pull the baby back into where she was suposed to go. Unfortunately, Ash's body went into labor, and eventually, she gave birth 4 monthes early to our daughter. And at this point, her lungs were not developed to work outside of the womb, and she only lived for an hour ans a half.But what a sweet hour and a half. I was scared. I was sad. I was excited. I was really tired. But I had this little life in my hand. She fit just perfectly into one of my hands. Her skin had no color to it, it was translucent. I could see all her veins and organs and bones. I watched her heart beat so quicly at about 140 beats per minute as she was handed to me, and slowly watched her heart slow down as I held her and welcomed her to a world that couldn't keep her. Her heart went down to about 6 (yes, 6) beats per minute. I shared her with vast amounts of family that came to love and support us. And I got to spend about 30 minutes with her as the doctor and nurses were still working with Ashley.Her ears were not quite developed. They were just little buds on the side of her head, and they had not come out like yours and mine are. But I knew that she could hear me. And I knew she could feel my heart beating, and melting in absolute love for her. I told her about Jesus. About the Cross. How He made her her. He knitted her together inside of Ashely, and I told her that she was a masterpiece. And that God doesn't make mistakes. She was not made for this world, and God wanted her upstairs right away. I told her that her mom and I loved her, and even though I didn;'t mean to, I practically bathed her in my tears. Ashley and I got to hold her and be with her for just a bit longer, and she got taken away to be weighed and printed, and photographed.Ash was taken away to surgery, and I was in the other waiting room with our family. All I could to was sit there. Paralized, I hugged the carebear I gave to Ashley so long ago. The very one I plot to throw away occasionally. And I'm glad I never got away with it. I was amazed that I had been up since about 9am, and the sun was coming up again. We had TV. We had DVD's. We had CD's. We had books, magazines, we had eachother. But the room was silent. Just an occasional sniffle or the sound of a toilet flushing somewhere down the hallway.Finally, people started going home, and Ashley was brought in after recovery. I slept for about an hour and a half, and saw that Ashley had woken up too. I got up, and we finally got to talk. And we got to spend our last few precious hours with Ava Nicole. And early in that evening, we said goodbye. Packed our bags, and came home.Ava is going to be cremated, and brought home with us. And Ashleys aunt has bought us a stone at the cemetary thats going to be a stone around a statue, and we get to engrave Ava's name into it, and other parents like us will buy stones like it, and it will make up the floor around this statue. Ashleys two aunts have both also lost babies this year, so we're trying to get our stones next to eachother. So our 3 baby girls can be together here on earth. Just as they're together in Heaven with my Lord and her Lord Jesus Christ.

Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:12-14

Energy....

Ug. Today is wierd. I have no energy at all. I think I got enough sleep last night. But I feel like I havnt slept in days and its killing me. Im trying to do my hair, but I cant stand long enough to even brush it..ahhhhh. By the way, my hair isnt blonde anymore. Scary huh? I cant bleach it. so I put brown in it..or some lady did. I told her I wanted the lightest brown she could do. So she decided to do the darkest brown she could find..its almost black. then she decided it would be fun to give me bangs..omgosh. I think the last time I had bangs was when I was 5..so yeah. blah on that...

ok no more complaining. Everything is going great. Just hanging out at home a lot getting some work done on the house. I am planning on having a get together at my house on halloween..so please come..just let me know..loveyou all..byebye

1 year

Hello! So Jason And I have been married for a year now!!! Crazy! I cant believe how fast the first year went by. I have no complaints either. Everything was great and we learned a lot about eachother. Of course there were hard times, but I think you need those times to learn..and we did. So yesterday we went to The olive Garden for lunch. As soon as our food got there, I started feeling sick. so we got some boxes and went home. I slept for a couple of hours but it didnt help. So around 7 we went to The madonna Inn for dinner. We saw FArah and Jenn there. so that was exciting. I hope you girls had fun at your party! I felt a little better so I was able to eat my food. So that was a lot of fun. then we went to the movies. So despite the fact that I was sick all day, I had a lot fo fun. Saw a lot of friends everywhere we went.

so yeah, just wanted to fill you all in on my day yesterday. it was so much fun!

Oh the Scare

Well. Jason and I experienced our first panics as parents..I wasn't sure how to word that sentence so forgive me if it doesn't work. Anyway, I had to go to the doctors office on Friday. I won't go into detail about what happened, but I was convinced that I was having a miscarriage. I freaked out so bad that I couldn't breath from crying and ended up having a crazy headache for 2 days. Good news though. The baby is fine, and I will be fine as long as I take it easy for awhile. Everything seems to be going ok now and I am so happy. I don't think I have ever prayed so hard in my life. My baby isn't even born yet and I worry so much. I cant imagine how its going to be when he/she finally gets here. So yeah, Pray for Jason and I. Im sure everything is going to be fine though :0)

PARTY!!!! So every year I have a "party" at my house for Halloween. Not so much for Halloween, its just an alternative for people who don't like to go out and drink to have fun (or get in to trouble) So yeah. Let me know if you wanna go. Your all invited. Or let Alyssa Giorgi know. She is gonna help. Ok. That's all for now. Love you all.

my little update

So my brother is going to get married in Vegas! I think October 8th, the same day Jason And I got married. Which is awesome because we can celebrate our 1 year anniversary in Vegas. So im pretty excited. Can you believe its been a year?! times goes by so fast. I cant believe it!...Oh yeah, My sis steph is also getting married in about 5 months..right when Im due to have my baby...nice..oh well. what do you do.. So there is some exciting news!


So, not to much has been going on. I hung out with some friends this weekend. I made a new friend. Tanyas roomie Erin. she is AWESOME! I have never met a girl that will completely knock herself to the ground and let people body slam her to the ground for the sake of comedy. sooo funny. Not only is she funny but she has an amazing heart for the Lord. I love her!

I really dont know how to put up pictures on this thing! oh well. So, im now about 4 months prego..I can feel the little baby..kind of.. its feels more like a little fishy swimming in my tummy. I cant wait until I can feel a kick or something. Things are going great though. I can actually eat now..But im not sure thats a good thing. well friends...I wish life was more exciting for me, so I could tell you about it. but to be honest, im pretty lazy. I dont do much. well..love you all!

Mrs. Elder

this is the same post I have on my myspace..

Mrs. Elder died yesterday around 4 pm. I am excited for her because I know she is heaven singing her heart out to the Lord. Doing exactly what she has been looking forward to doing. It brings comfort to me to know how much comfort she felt. Not physically but the comfort she had through Christ. I pray that the Lord give Mr. Elder and his family the same comfort that I have and that Mrs. Elder had. Mrs. Elder was the one who taught me guitar (most of it) she practiced with me every wed when I was young. She always kept me in line and didnt let me get away with being stupid. ;0) her and Mr. elder were always there for us kids when we needed them. even if it meant coming over and playing video games and eating nachos. they were always there. I will miss her a lot. Im sad that in the past couple of years we werent as close. But I know she loved me and she knows I love her. She is a wonderful example of what a woman in christ should be like.I was reading an artical the newspaper did on her on january 26th of this year..here are some things that stick out to me,that I know are true.Dawn Elder considers each day a blessing.Elder, a woman of deep faith and inner strengthShe chose to talk about this most personal experience because she wants to make other women - and men, she added - aware of the opportunity for BRCA testing, and of the choices they can make as a result.Meanwhile, since all of their children live out of town, Elder said that my wonderful husband, John, and my church got her through the prolonged treatments.She also blesses Stefanie Hassett, her friend at Grace Baptist Church.Chemo is very depressing. You have to have a really good support system. It made me fall in love with them all the time. Elder said.She has taught music to the kindergartners at May Grisham School - It's a gift, she said. I came home from the mammogram and drew the rose, which is given to women having the mammogram. She now takes digital photos, especially of flowers, and manipulates them on the computer to create beautiful floral cards, many with Biblical quotes.Going through this journey toward recovery has been a deep spiritual experience for Dawn and John.He's a rare husband, a sweet man, she said.It (the cancer and treatments) changed everything. For a while, I lived day by day, then felt I have to get contributing again. I give glory to God for just being here. He could have taken me and he didn't, she said.The Lord did take her. and I know she was ready. what an amazing woman. I hope some day I can be as strong as she was. We love you mrs. Elder!
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Music Video:
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So..I can never think of a title for these blogs...oh well.

I am so excited for kickback this weekend. Im a little panicky because I feel like a have a billion things to do..but really...nothing comes to mind. Do you ever get that feeling? I can't wait to see the kids grow in Christ and I can't wait to see what he does in me. I pray that he can use me to be a wonderful example in him. I know there are things I need to change to be that person, But I know he can use me somehow. I've decided today that I really need to get my life on a path moving to him.. It was going in that direction before, but it seems like I kept turning around and walking the other way half the time. if that makes sense... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> <<<< >>>>>>>>>> <<<<<...haha..thats my example..I want my life to be like this >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> CHRIST. well, At least I know what im talking about...

I believe that we are all in a leadership position. Even if you are not on jr high, high school staff. Even if you are not involved in ministry, you are still a leader. Am I right? The moment you give your life to the Lord is the moment you step into a leadership position. Is it bad that I am just now understanding this? I don't want to be a different person outside of church.. I want my life to reflect him ALL THE TIME. So yeah, those are my thoughts today. Pray for me and for all the staff and kids this weekend. I think great things are going to happen!

a little about me

GRYFFINDOR:
[] You've never done drugs
[x] You have a lot of friends
[x] You get along with everyone
[] You haven't made fun of someone for at least two months
[] You love soccer
[x] You love baseball
[x] You're into writing and art
[] Favorite music genre is pop rock
[x] You believe in "innocent until proven guilty" theory
[x] Abortion is wrong
[ ] The war against Iraq is unneeded
[ ] One of your favorite colors is red or gold
[x] Good grades at school
[x] One of the worst things you can do is lie
[x]You plan on going to college

TOTAL: 12

HUFFLEPUFF:
[x] You're content with mostly everything in your life right now.
[x] You laugh a lot
[] You like to follow trends.
[x] Politics suck.
[x] You love to swim
[] Water polo is awesome
[x] Pink is one of your favorite colors
[] Black is morbid & depressing
[x] Michael Jackson is talented as a musical artist.
[x] You're an optimist.
[] You're completely straight-edge.
[x] You're very emotional
[] Rap, R&B, & hip-hop is your favorite music genre
[] You don't believe in going steady at a young age
[x] You've made fun of at least one person this week.

TOTAL: 7

RAVENCLAW:
[] You're depressed to a certain extent.
[x] You love to read.
[x] You appreciate theatre & arts.
[] Sports suck.
[] You're shy.
[x] Bush is trying his hardest
[x] You've been in love before.
[x] Hate is completely unneeded.
[] Loyalty is the MOST important thing in a relationship
[x] indie is your favorite genre of music.
[x] Every once in awhile you have little anger outbursts.
[] Lying is sometimes okay
[] Blue is one of your favorite colors.
[] Serious is better than funny.
[x] Good grades at school

TOTAL: 7

SLYTHERIN:
[] There's at least one person you hate.
[x] Basketball is a good sport.
[x] Football is amazing
[x] Black is a cool color.
[x] You've lied about something serious.
[x] You're a very deep person.
[x] You have considered suicide.
[x] Very loyal.
[] You like metal.
[] They make school seem more important than it is.
[] You're scared to grow up.
[] You've done drugs in the past month.
[] Anger is one of your primary feelings.
[x] You have trust issues.
[] Guilty until proven innocent.

my new blog..finally

Hello! Just wanted to update on life. Things are going great. Not to much really going on right now. (except for the baby) Im hoping that I will be over the sickness soon. Ive lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks..im pretty sure thats not healthy. Im over it though. Im sure I will gain it back when im not sick.

Im pretty sad about Jim not being our "leader" anymore. He is amazing. I do understand why he had to leave. the guy is soo busy, and I believe God Is calling to greater things! Its so hard to give up on a ministry. Im proud of him for doing what he felt was right. lets keep him and his family in prayer.

MR SHAW!!! I just want you to know that I think you did a great job in leading sunday school! It was very interesting hearing all the different opinions and you did a great job of keeping everyone on topic. Great Job! And thankyou for taking on sunday school. :0)

You know..I really don't have much to write. Life is just pretty kick back right now. I do have a question.

Any grand ideas on a baby nursery? I need some for a girls room and a boys room. I have no clue what to do! let me know.

my baby

Im so excited. I get to see my baby tomorrow!! well all 2 inches of him/her..lol but im excited. I think when we see her/him and hear the heartbeat it will be more real to the both of us. I cant wait. Pray that everything is going well and my baby is healthy! thankyou!

my life..in a slide show

Long time...

So yeah. its been awhile. i decided to quit writing blogs on here because Tanya is the only one that reads them. Maybe Jenn sometimes...so here is the deal. Do I waste my time writing these things or do I find out how many people actually read this gosh darn blog...so I need 5 people to tell me they read my blog...or I will call it quits~!!!!! ahahhahahahah. anyway. let the comments begin.

Back to school.

Hey everyone. Good news...I think.

Today I have an appointment with Lisa from Santa Barbara Business College. I Am going to take some classes there and get my future going. Im sure what I want to do though. To be honest, I don't think im smart enough to do a lot of what they have. And no. Dont feel sorry for me for saying that. Im just being honest! I suck at math....English...History...blah...But this is based off of highschool experiences. I have to remember that highschool was drama and I had a lot of distractions..Boys, mean people, early mornings..and the list goes on and on. The lack of motivation is what killed me.. But I think im different now. More grown up and I can handle things now. So maybe I am smart and I just don't know it yet! I guess we will see. So Im pretty sure I will be taking business classes and accounting stuff. I will find out today what I might go for. They dont really offer a whole lot at S.B.B.C... But Im sure I will find something im interested in.

So any objections? I don't know anything about this school. so if you think its a bad idea, please tell me. I just hate the thought of going to hancock for some reason. let me know what you think. Love you all..

Well...im gonna copy everyone and do some shoutouts..here I go

JENN! ~ Thanks for making me laugh. your sooo funny.! I wish we could have gotten mrs. Elder playing the cow bell on video..That was sooo funny! (did you really pee your pants?)

Tanya~ Sorry for not calling you back. Im trying to keep my phone at home because my bill was over $100.. I hope your having fun though, Have you found a job yet?

Mike Shaw~ Thankyou for singing with me on sunday mornings. I dont have much confidence when im singing. so its nice to have you there for support. Thankyou!

Parker~ where are you man! Im pretty sure I need to have a get together at my new home just so we can hang out! sound good?

Farah~ I dont know you...but everyone else loves you..So I do too! I cant wait for you to get in town so we can all get to know you better. Thankyou for being there for mrs. Shaw. He is a very happy man because of you!

I dont know who else reads this blog...so umm. if I didnt put you on here im sorry..its probably because I dont know that you have a blog. love you anyway!

yup

• Take these hands And lift them up
• For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
• See, I have nothing I have nothing without You
• And take my voice and pour it out
• Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
• For I have nothing I have nothing without You
• And all my soul needs is all Your love To cover me,
• so all the world will see That I have nothing without You
• Take my body and build it up
• May it be broken as an offering of love
• For I have nothing I have nothing without You
• And all my soul needs is all Your love To cover me
• so all the world will see That I have nothing
• That I love You, yeah With all my heart With all my soul
• With all my mind And all the strength
• I can find Take my time here on this earth
• And let it glorify all that You are worth
• For I am nothing I am nothing without You

please pray

Hello. I just wanted to know if you would all pray for my mom right now. She is having a rough time right now in life. I wont get into the details about it, but she is not doing very well. If you could pray for her relationship with the Lord, and for her Job and housing situation that would be great. thankyou!

So im thinking that we need to put together a fun night. I really miss everyone. Maybe go to dinner, or bowling. sounds dumb im sure. I think it would be fun though. What do you think?

Over the mountains through the woods to Tanyas house we go!

Well Hello everyone! (so basically Tanya and Jenn since they are the only people reading this)

Life right is going great. I love my job. Ryley is the cutest child ever! She is wonderful. As you can see up there, that is her.

So Im going to visit Tanya this weekend. It will be short but a lot of fun. Stephanie is going to apply there. I know she will get in and I know she will love it. I cant wait to go and see Tanya. I miss you !!!! Even though you were just here. Yeah, So Stephanie (my sis) is gonna go as well. Im so glad that her and I have become friends. Isnt wierd how siblings can think they dislike someone so much and then end up being best friends? Crazy to me. I never thought that would happen.

So Mike Shaw...What have you been up to? Has your women moved here yet? She is very beautiful and Im happy for you. Just thought you should know.

And Jennifer..How is the Job going? And how is your sister? We should do lunch again. This time I wont be late.!

Tanya!!! What are we gonna do when Steph and I get there?! Plan something amazing so we can make Steph love the place. (I dont think that will be hard though)

Parker! Its been to long. Whats up with your life right now? How is work going for you?


ok. enough of that. I will post more later. love you all!

I love my job

Hey!!! I just wanted to say that I love my job. I love the baby. she is sooo good! she rarely cries and when she does its for like 2 sec. I can wake her up from her nap and she would just smile at me. She is very sweet. I cant wait until she is a little older and crawling around...(even though I will have to chase her everywhere!) and her parents are great people. very very nice. anyway..thats all for now, I will do a good update later. love ya all.

Yay for Jesus

"Praise You In This Storm"
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down,
And wiped our tears away Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rollsI barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember whenI stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

The little grasshopper found a job

Woop Woop. I got a job...Im a nanny for a little baby. She is 6 months old. Im sooo excited to start. Im starting tomorrow so the mom can show me where everything is and what her schedule is. Its mon-thur. 8-5. Im so excited.

Last night was fun . Im glad I went.

ok bye

Question for you all...

Hello everyone!
Tanya is here!! woo hooo.
Im at work right now, trying to apply for a billion jobs. but you have to speak spanish for most of them..all I can say is Taco..yeah...

Is anyone hiring?? do you know someone that is hiring? I need a job so bad. I dont have a degree, so its hard to find a job. But I cant go to school because I cant afford it..ahhhh. ANY SUGGESTIONS ON WHAT I SHOULD DO? (isnt there a really annoying commercial about this?)



QUESTION...PLEASE READ

What do you see me doing with my future? Be honest. Do you see me working with kids? in an office? as a school cook? lol. What do you (my friends) think I would be good at?

your right tani. time for a new post

my font is huge and my writing is from georgia...

So I have to ask you all. Is it better to take a test in the morning or in the afternoon? I have to take my exam again because I failed it...again. so 9am or 2pm? what do you think?

So yeah, Ive been pretty busy lately with moving in to the house..or getting it ready for the move. after scraping wall paper, painting walls, and removing cupboards, things are finally coming together. And yes mike shaw, we went with the red wall and it turned out awesome! Im so excited. things are coming together quite well. The new carpet will be put in the week and then we can move in. hurray!!!

Im so sad that I have to miss Tani once again this weekend. :0( im sorry tanya, I will be at winter camp. (its not as bad as some people missing my wedding to go on vacation...jk)
But I will miss you and I will make plans to come and see you.

Winter camp though....its going to be awesome. I really need to my life back on path..not that I have really walked in the other direction...I think I just get so distracted..with real estate, work, money, and moving...of course there are a billion other things to . But its getting better. God is really working in me. Im excited to see the jr. high students grow this weekend with the Lord. I hope that God can use me to help these kids. Im always afraid that I will tell them the wrong thing or That I wont be able to answer questions..but I guess thats why God wants us to study his word.....

So yeah, I think we are all in need of a party...what do you all think????? just a fun get together, order pizza, watch some movies, play some games?? whats the party for you ask?? well..nothing. I just miss everyone...let me know what you think and I will put it together. love you all. !!

I miss tani..:0(

Thankyou mike shaw for all your help with tanyas party! it was awesome and soooo much fun. It was way better then just going out to lunch ya know? anyway, thankyou for your help!

So I went with tanya to drop her off at college...it was soo awesome! Its sad that I cant go to college and live in a dorm ( now that im married) it just seemed like so much fun. her dorm friends are awesome and very funny. they like tanya a lot ..so thats good. i think im gonna go visit in a couple of weeks. I cant wait!!

So my aunt christine had her baby! little anthony bruno. I havnt been able to see him because i am still a little sick and I dont want to risk it. I think he was almost 9 lbs!! I cant wait to see him..

So im moving I think! Jason and I got a place in orcutt. I think it will be better because the rent is less, its in a better area, and now people can come over because we are not so far away..hurray for friends...anyway, I will let you know how it goes...well this is boring so im gonna go..I dont even know if people read my blog...hmm..oh well!

Luke 1:46

Its amazing how the women who gave birth to Christ was so humble. She knew that people wouldnt believe that she was a virgin, she knew people would look down on her because she wasnt married. But still she says "Praise the Lord" She never made it about her. It was always about God. Thats how we should be when the Lord uses us for his glory. Even if it means people will look at us like me are crazy.
Below is what mary said when she found out she was going to give birth to Jesus


"My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.
For he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call
me blessed
For the mighty one has done great things for me.
holy is his name!
His mercy extends to those who fear him.
From generation to generaton
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm.
He has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble
he has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty
he has helped his servant israel remembering
to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever
even as he said to our fathers."

SCARY!

hey all. So I got a funny phone call from alyssa yesterday....

alyssa: "hey ashley"
me: "hey alyssa"
alyssa: "so here is the plan...We are all gonna dress up, get candy and then have a party at your house and watch scary movies!"
me: "ok"
alyssa: "ok, see you then"

so...its not very funny typed out...but it was very funny on the phone. So i guess everyone is coming over to my house tonight? fun fun fun! im excited!

So my doctor told me that im not going to be able to have kids. I wanted to die. I was so upset you dont even know! I lost sleep over it, I made myself sick over it, I think I cried for like 2 days....Then the nurse calls me and says they made a mistake and everything is fine with me! ahhhhh...Yea, its good news and im soooo happy, but do they even realize how much sadness and pain they put me through!? I think doctors should keep thier mouths shut before they get test results..then drop the bomb after they know what is really wrong and not put people through all of that emotional crap.....anyway, all is good though. im fine..i can have kids..woot woot. love you all. see you later.

Hi

Stephanie got a job with me at Carrows. She is taking over my hostess job. So yeah Thats coool. I have to train her ...So im a server now, You should all come in and sit in my section. it will be fun!

So I went to the Doctor yesterday. I wont get into details...but it was sad...Buts all good. no worries.

well I have to go to work now. I will update more later. byebye!

ashley

maid of honor

So today tanya and I went to pick up whitney ( my maid of honor) at the airport. I was very happy to see her. she hasnt changed a bit..but the bad thing is..I have...or is that a good thing? well..yeah..it was wierd at first...i mean, I havnt seen the girl in six years...I was pretty upset. it wasnt like i expected...but good news. throughout the day we got a lot more used to the fact that we are actually talking in person..and hanging out in person and not just on the phone..so after the car ride, we had a lot of fun. we went to a bbq and then hung out at my moms house. we had great conversation and there was a lot of laughing about the old times. she finally started to get excited about being here...not that she wasnt..it was just wierd..we have a lot of fun plans. the poor thing hasnt been to the beach in like 7 years! so thats a plan. its gonna be great fun. then there is santa barbara, pismo, and a whole bunch of stuff i gotta fit in before the wedding..im excited.




ALL IN ALL...im glad my best friend is here. ive needed her for a long time..so its gonna be good for me. she has already helped me feel better about some things ...and she has only been here for a couple hours! this girl was my only friend when i was younger. and she probably knows more about me then most. im glad she is here to remind me of the person that i really am..thats always a good thing. ;0)

THERES A MOUSE IN MY ROOM!

OMG...A MOUSE JUST RAN OVER MY FOOT!



So im sitting here in my moms house, just minding my own business. When a huge freaking mouse crawls over my foot.. Sick...at first I didnt think anything of it.(because I didnt know it was there) Then it made a noise!!!! ahhhhhhhhh. I freaked. I Jumped up on the little coffee table thing, lost my balance and fell on the floor. meanwhile the stupid little mouse is just staring at me...with its beady little eyes. I was so afraid to move. I just sat there. I will have you know that I won the staring contest because about 20 seconds of no movement what so ever , the sneaky little mouse ran right past me..teasing me in its little mouse way..ug. where is ran off to...no one knows. im sure its hiding under my blanket so it can torment me some more when I go to bed. or maybe its off talking to its friends telling them how i lost my balance and fell of the table. Have a good laugh little mouse. Because its going to be your last. you heard me. be afraid. be very very afraid.

Hello

Ive been thinking...maybe a little to much. You know how people always joke and say "dont think to much, you might hurt yourself" and everyone laughs ..Well this time I think it is true. I think that I have been thinking so much today, that I have actually hurt myself. no. Not physically. But the emotional part isnt doing so well. Dont worry. Its not Jason. He has been so awesome. Everything is great and I am so happy to be with him. I just keep hearing really sad things from people that I really care about. Stuff about Jason and I .. Sometimes I wish I could be like the random girl, sitting in the back of the church, the one that no one really knows anything about. That way no one will care if im getting married, or what my relationship is like with my fiance, or if im ready to get married or not.. BUT...Im not that girl. Everyone has an opinion, and I guess I cant get away from that. But I just want to know, What is so wrong with me that people think im going to be a failure as a wife?? what did I do that was so wrong? Are people still judging me from my past? Do they not realize im not the same person.? what do I need to do to change peoples opinions? ....Are these peoples opinions even worth worring about. ? God knows my heart, he knows my faults, he knows if im going to be a good wife. As long as I do everything to glorify him, and always love him over everything, I believe he will bless me. And my marriage. maybe I should just worry about that instead of everyone else.


I think I should just go to bed. Tomorrow is another day, maybe I will feel better. Someone please call me. give me uplifting words. anything..I dont care. I love you all. goodnight.


PS. PARKER!!!!! I decided to make my post totally awesome by adding you to it! how is everything? things arent as bad with me as they sound. just some thoughts I wanted to post. talk to you later dude!

thursday

Tonight was goodtimes. I though the lesson was pretty good. I thought the atmosphere was good. Did I spell that right? oh well. I had a good time. a part of me is happy that the group has moved back to Jims house. I feel closer to everyone..not that the house is small..but like...we could be more personal there.

Survivor was awesome..im excited .. I LOVE LUPE!
Im glad I finally saw the first episode..to tell you the truth, I dont think I have ever seen a first episode in all of survivor. ! crazy man. let me tell you. I think it is to early to decide on who I want to win, or what team I like better. But i will tell you this..I would love it if stephanie won. i think she is wonderful.

I had fun at the shaw house tonight. to be honest, I finally felt like part of the group, like everyone was my friend.....like I was in on it...I dont know what "it" was..but I felt included. so its all good. I hope that is stays that way to. I really love you all!
Speaking of LOVE....ahhahahahah . I will say no more!

well im to tired to finish this post..gotta go.

BAH

HOLA, Today was a pretty good day. except that my phone was dead all day long and i felt incomplete. But I did have 7 unheard messages which made me feel dandy. (expect they were all from my family! blah)

Good news, my aunt chris is having a boy...and now my aunt Debbie is having a baby!! yayayaya. So im very very happy.

Tonight I went to Jays aunts house. Alot of his family was there, so it was cool. Im glad that I am getting to know them all better. Anyway, they got jay and I a new microwave..woop woop. Its totally awesome and totally needed . we are totally blessed. Everything we need, like a lawn mower, a fridge, a washer and dryer, stuff like that has been provided for us! praise God! He always makes it happen, which is totally awesome. he is totally awesome.

I HAVE A NEW FRIEND!!!!!! Im sooooo happy. I met her at work. her name is mellisa.... We get a long great and she is going through a lot of stuff that I have been through, so I can relate to her a lot. And I can give her good advice to ( or what I think is good advice ;).....) The best thing about her is that she likes me even though I am nerdy and the girl calls me. which is good on my list. I am blessed again because I have been praying and praying that God would send me a good friend, one that will call me and hang out with me, even though I am getting married. And he did. The best part is that she has so much potential to be come to the Lord. I know that sounds dumb....because we should try and bring everyone to the Lord...but she is so almost there. I think that she grew up in a strick baptist home and it pushed her away from religion and God. So yeah, I think Im gonna try and get her to go to church with me and stuff. that will be cool.
The other night she hung out with me at mike shaws house. It was good times...kind of....until mikey told me to get out of his house...ouch! lol oh well, what can ya do......but thanks for letting us hang out for night..that was considerate of you. jk...but really thank you

BIG BROTHER WAS AWESOME!
I dont care if they "waste my time" on an episode that doesnt mean anything. it is still funny! GO JANIE!

I think this is the biggest blog I have written yet..woop woop.

TANYA AND ALYSSA!
Sorry I coulnt go shoe shoppin...I really wanted to go and I was all ready to go..then caitlins mom called and wanted me to come over and get the dress fitted...blah...but you should go with me to find my shoes..So what do they look like? are they cute? do you like pancakes?

wow I just got hyper..

So .....answer me this....when you go to read someones blog and it is really really long, do you feel overwhelmed and just give up on it completely? I would...lol...congrats if you have made it this far!

PARKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you have a blog? I do....ummm

So yeah..tomorrow Im gonna go to the gym with my new friend MEl...and Im gonna get HOT LIKE SHAKIRA!!!!! YIPPY YIPPY!!!
Is shakira hot? I think she sounds like a frog...RIBBIT...RIBBIT

Then on Tuesday Im gonna go to the track with Tracy Starns and get hot like .....ummmm OPRAH!!! Thats right. you heard me..oprah

speaking of oprah, I wrote her a letter telling her that Im a poor white girl, living in a black neighborhood...Do you think she will send me money for my wedding? dude...If I was Oprah, I would give me like, 100,000. $$$$ for my wedding. Just because....LONG LIVE DR. PHIL.

thats to bad

". Some friends are like going to a Quidditch Match. You know its never really going to happen. They are a nice theory, but in reality they’re not going to fly, they’re not going to catch the Snitch, and you’re not going to watch anything other than them suiting up to go onto the pitch. "

you know what. i think i changed my mind. I think its time i just give up on you guys. Whats the point.?

OH GOODNESS!

wow guys...30 days until i am married. thats flippin crazy.


i want you all to read this and take this in to consideration k..... CALLLLL MEEEEE. lets hang out..lets do fun stuff...lets go on a car ride, go to the beach, wash our cars together, skip in a field of flowers....i dunno. anything! I just want to do something to help me with the stress. It will be fun ..i promise. . . . . .

now i have to tell everyone what i think of them..ready!

Tanya- I think that we need to start our relationship over. I think we need to just hang out. love eachother, and have fun like we used to. we are family, and how awesome that I have the chance to have a cousin that is my best friend. im sorry for being a punk. I think that we are both trying to find who we are...and in the process of doing so...we just lost it.I love you though. more then you think, and more then you know...I just put on a front...im sorry


2. the shaw- What can I say. I enjoy your company. sometimes im just sitting around all bored and im like..."what m. shaw up to?" and sometimes im crazy busy...and im like " hmm...wonder what mike is up to" I love ya man. your just about the funniest person I know.. I hope that we stay friends for a long long time. dont be afraid to call me or hang out with me when i get married ok!

3. Alyssa- DUDE...I just got off the phone with you. I love alyssa! your a blast to hang out with. which is why I wanna hang out more. I think that God is working in your life like crazy right now...and I see the changes he has made in you. I think that he is going to use you in ways you wouldnt have even thought. I pray for you a lot because I know the pain that you have right now with things you are going through. I love you though. I want to be here for you and be a better friends. I am really trying right now .I hope that is shows a little. but i will try harder so it shows alot.

4. Parker- DONT BE AFRAID OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dude...this is what I know about you, your name is parker, your quiet, sometimes you spike your hair, you mow lawns, you hate mine, and your not going to my wedding!!!!!!!! I realize i know nothing about you! and that needs to change..i think you and I need to just sit down and have a good conversation..sound good! dont be scared !!!

5. Jenn- I miss you......I didnt think you and I would be friends..not with the whole jason thing...lol good times. but i love you! how could i not. I wish you were here right now. I think you and I could be awesome friends. we have a lot in common and you bring out the goofy side in me. and you always make me laugh! call me k...

6. myself- you could be a good person if you would bring down the walls.... take away the barriers and quit being so afraid. open up to people and dont be ashamed of who you are. . just be yourself..be nice...dont be fake...dont judge...dont complain..dont hide...dont worry about what others think. Love the Lord with all you have and make it so the world can see that. ......with that said....I know, I have potential to love you.