Lent

So yeah, I have decided to do lent this year. I know , Im not Catholic. Oh well. Im gonna do it anyway. Problem anyone?

so yeah, Ive decided to give up bread. Yeah, Its a little extreme. But I think I can do it. Wouldnt hurt me to try. I realized that I eat way way way to much of it and I suppose bread would be that one thing I think I cant go without. So I have to try. Prayer and encouragment would be great!! thankyou! I guess we will see how the next 39 days go. I will keep you posted.

so what do you all think of this? I wanna know.

Im sick.

Yup..Thats right, Im sick. Ive got a cold and sore throat and I think I had a fever. LAME!!( So im sorry Jenn, no college group for me tonight)..... Im pretty sure I got it while I was at Hume Lake. Every year I get back , I get sick. Oh well, I will live ;0)

Speaking of Hume Lake, It was a lot of fun. To be honest I think the Staff learned more then we thought we would. When you think about going to Jr. High camp, you think of it as a time more for the students. But God used last weekend for his Glory, in all of his children. We had to realize that camp is not about the relationships that we build with the students its about the relationships that build with the students and God. It was hard because we all wanted to be the "cool" counselor or the one the kids come to when they need someone. And when that didnt happen it really discouraged us. I think more Jenn and Joys room. Not that they arent cool, because trust me, they are AMAZING! They just got some girls in their cabin that didnt want to have anything to do with anyone. Jenn and Joy handled the situation in the way they should have, they prayed about it. I really feel like God used them this weekend, more then they know. All in all, it was a great experience for all of us. The Lord moved in amazing ways. Not to mention it was a lot of fun, despite the fact that it rained almost the whole time.

Pastor James....uhhh. yeah. Jr. High students really get to him!

Jenn laughing about something. lol who knows, she cracks me up!

The girls! I told them to hide behind the tree, but I dont think they got it.

I totally forgot her name!! oooh man..well..some girl and whitney walking somewhere..nice. I love whitney. I had a lot of fun getting to know her better. she is awesome!

Jason and I freezing!! but having a lot of fun!

Nick, Joseph and Scott sitting in chapel.

WEll, there ya go. I wish I could have taken better pictures, but my camera sucks!

"the world is moving so fast, gaining speed"

hey, do you guys know Chris Stanfill? Well, he is amazing at singing and playing guitar. he is having a show at the crossroads hunters landing at 6:30.its on the 17th. he would be sooo happy if you could make it. Anyway, be there

So I went to the Dr on monday because Jason and I want to have another baby..And I guess I have to have an x-ray to make sure everything is ok..blah blahblah..and he said that I have to go on fertility medicine..dumb. im only 21! what 21 year old has to take fertility meds. whatever. I gotta do what I gotta do. I really hope there is nothing wrong with me though. I would die if they told me i couldnt have kids. I seriously think I would go crazy. SO PRAY PLEASE!! thankyou!

new new new

So yeah..I totally got a new couch! Im so excited. Its look so much better then my old one..and it smells better and it doesnt give you back problems, and it actually matches!! yay, thats always a plus.. I will post some pictures for all of you that care.

I was reading Mike shaws page (he hates when I call him that!) and he had a good idea to look back at his resolutions. I think the best way to keep them is to keep acknowledging them..right? I think I have done a pretty good job so far. I havnt given up on my diet yet. I dont know how much I have lost because I refuse to weigh myself and be upset..Thats usually when I give up. I did notice that I am losing inches, but not much weight. And that is fine with me. I feel much better. The best thing I can do for myself is to just keep moving, drink crazy amounts of water, (not enough to kill myself though) and eat smaller portions..Its really working.

I think in a spiritual aspect I am doing much better. I strive to learn more about God everyday and I have noticed I give more things up to him. When I do that, things just get easier. Im not God, I cant fix everything and I have really learned to lean on him. I do need to work on reading my bible more. No. Not reading more, just studying. There is a difference.

For work. well, I guess I just need to go to bed earlier? 6 am is way early.

I think I am a loving person. And I show that I care. But I know I can work on calling people more. Maybe send out "thinking of you cards." lol I dont know. I just need to learn to not be afraid of people. My goal is to meet at least 3 new people at church on Sunday. Throw myself into it a little more. I also need to learn the names of the kids in the youth! oh my. there are so many of them!! But James made a good point. If you call them by name, they feel special because we have taken the time to learn it..and its true.

Patience..wow. I really need to work on that one.
Motivation
not being lazy!
teach more about God
learn more about God

There are so many. But the baby is crying now from his nap. (kid I nanny for)
so Im sure there is more to come.

Boring!

Wow..What a lame day. Its 1pm and I am still in my pj's. I cant get myself to do anything! I need to shower and go to the gym..yeah, Iknow. Normally you go to the gym and then shower..whatever. I do what I want;0)

This past couple of weeks have been fun. Jessica and I hung out. she got to meet some of my friends and stay the night. My windsheild wipers wouldnt work and it was raining like crazy. So she had to stay with me poor thing. I had a lot of fun though!

Chris, Kyle, Matt, Shannon and I went to the Angel of Hope site this week to see if they put Ava's brick in..but it was locked up!! I was so upset. But then we got this grand idea to break in..so we did..actually we rolled under the gate. lol, I felt kind of funny doing that, but I really wanted to be there. I took some pictures of the Angel here in Santa Maria..this is what it looks like.

This week...I played basketball like 5 times, worked out at the gym with my favorite person Michelle,and went to Chris' birthday party. Fun fun fun! Goodtimes. Its better summed up with pictures ;0)

Oh yeah! Randy and chelsea Got married a couple of days ago. Jason was the best man. he did a great job! The wedding was beautiful and a lot of fun!

Well..I guess I will go shower now. Love you all.

So yeah..just wanted to share some photos with ya. enjoy.


My friend Danny doesnt even know Ryan is behind him,..this picture pretty much scares me and cracks me up at the same time.
My sister and My Daddy. I miss both of them!
Ryan and Ryan being Ryans. Ryan Newman just got dreads..I love them!
Chris and I at Hunters and Matt being a wierdo in the background

The chris Stanfill! This guy is gonna go far!

This is Carter. I just started my new nanny job at the start of this month. he is way way cute!
my sister sam and I being silly
My brother Matt and my sister steph on Christmas

anyway. there ya go!

Get out of my house!

Yesterday im sitting on the couch watching The Office..Amazing show...when I hear yelling at my door.."YOOOHOOOO IM HERE WITH A GOOD DEAL...HEEELLLOOOO!" UMMMM. Knocking would have done..Im just saying... So I answer the door and it a sales women trying to sell this cleaning supply stuff. She is talking like crazy. I cant even understand her. "this stuff if none toxic and can clean anything"....ok. so at this point im just gonna let her finish talking to get it over with. Im pretty sure that where I made the mistake. "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" She proceeds to take the spray tube out of the cleaner AND LICKS THE WHOLE TUBE..OMG. I was so grossed out. But it gets worse. She put the cap back on and sprays my hand!!! YUCK! now I have spit and cleaner on my hand and she didnt even ask me! Then she comes in my house uninvited and starts cleaning things. My stove, my refrigerator, my floor, the door handle.. not letting me get a word in. I called Jason and he said no, not to buy it. so I told her no. She was sooooo MAD! she went storming out of my house mumbling like a crazy person..I think im to nice.

saved $35 at albertsons! just thought you should know.


So. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to give up on something? One day your totally pumped up about it and then the next day you could care less. Thats how I am about this whole diet thing. Im actually doing very well, but Im so afraid I will do the norm and give up on it in a couple of weeks. At least Im seeing results, so maybe that will help. Even if it takes me a whole year, I just need to stick with it. I have a gym buddy now! Well, actually two. I have noticed that just having them helps out a lot. Michelle and Kyle both got a membership at Golds with me. We have been having a lot of fun with this. So hopefully we can stick with it. In fact, Michelle and I are getting ready to go in just a little bit..one question..do you weigh more after you work out? I know that sounds dumb, but my clothes are always tighter after I work out..oh well..

anyway, there ya go. have a great day!

I totally saved 40 bucks at Albertsons.

IM SO COLD! Can you believe its supposed to get down to 19 degrees tonight! Thats crazy! How can it be so cold without any snow. thats just sad. My gas bill is going to be sooo high, oh well, I guess its better then freezing. I heard that it was 12 degrees at hume and pastor James already has a cold.. and that sucks! Im so glad im not there right now.

So my best friend Whitney had her baby about a week ago. Lucas was born with 80% of his body covered with a black birthmark. Its like a huge mole covering his body. Poor baby, They are testing him and should know by next week if it is cancer. They had to fly the baby from Alaska to Seattle. They think they will be there for another month or so. So please keep them in your prayers :0) thankyou!

SO! Yesterday a group of us went to see Dr. Phil again! It was sooo much fun. Except for the 2 hours of sleep I got the night before. we had to get up and leave by 4 am. blah. Do you know when the last time I saw 4 am was...because I dont. But It was all worth it. The show was on weddings gone bad or something like that. Pretty funny, let me tell you! Despite the cold weather and being squished in a car for 3 hours, It was awesome!

Oh YEAH! I joined weight watchers..lol for some reason every time I tell someone that I joined I start laughing..anyway. I've lost like 5 lbs since saturday. crazy! I just take a walk here in there, Drink lots of water, and eat whatever I want in my point range and Im good. So yeah, this is something I know I will stick with. I went to albertsons and got all kind of healthy food. So you know how you can save money when you use your albertsons card? I totally saved 40$!!! I was so excited. lol. Just thought you all should know.

So here is a picture of me right now just starting the diet. well..its not the greatest but its all I got..

Here is what I hope to look like when im done.

Thats right. Shakira.

So yeah. of course I wont be half naked like her, but you know. whatever.

Well, I hope that you have all been greatly amused by my blog..I just bored myself from writing it. so have fun!

2006

2006 has come and gone..here are some things I experienced in 2006..

This year I discovered Will and Grace....I know, crappy picture..but what a funny show...I kind of feel bad that it is my favorite show..should I feel bad? lol..oh well.

Tanyas car was in the middle of a war zone..lol. "someone" put a bunch of army men all over tanyas car one night when she was at my house. Let me tell you, that was soooo funny!!! major points for the person/people who did it!

In 2006 Mrs. Elder went to be with the Lord. We miss her so much but we know that she having a grand time in heaven..No more pain, no more sickness. How lucky she is to be in presence of the Lord. I wonder if she has met my baby girl yet.

In 2006 I got an awesome Job as a nanny to this beautiful girl! I had so much fun and I miss her. Im so glad I got to play a part in her growing. I love her!

OH MAN...Who could forget Dr. phil. In 2006 I got the chance to be in the audience at his show..what a blast!! I had such a good time. Dont forget you guys, the show is going to be on early this month. I will let you know when I find out the date!

Thats right. I decided to go dark this year..My poor hair..its going to fall out if I dont leave it alone!

As you all know, Last year Jason and I got the amazing news that we were going to have a baby. And we did. She is with the Lord now. we miss her so much, I cant wait to see Ava Nicole again. She truly was a blessing! even if we only had her for that short time.

Jason and I celebrated our first year of marriage in 2006! What an amazing husband. Its true, words really cant express how much I love him!

Oh yeah!! My baby sister went off and got married! ;0) She is now living in NC for a couple months. Then her and her husband Michael are off to NJ. We miss you Stephanie!!!

WEll...there ya go! Im sure many exciting things happened in 2006, but thats all I could remember. ;0) Hope you all enjoyed your year. And I hope 2007 is full of amazing times for you. love you all!

I will end on this note. Even though we have started a new year..Dont forget what you have been through and what you have learned...


Deuteronomy 4:9

9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

swing life away

Well, Stephanie and her husband Are gone. They left for NC the other day. They are almost there. They had a big trip ahead of them.Can you believe they are driving there! The good thing is, the military makes them stop every 500 miles to rest at a hotel. So thats good. I miss both of them so much. I cant believe my little sister grew up so fast. Now she is married and has moved away. I dont think it really hit me until today that she is so far . It has made me so sad.. I know its just part of life, but we are going to miss out on so much. I just pray that the Lord will bring them to an amazing church where she can meet some awesome christians and make lots of friends. Im so afraid she is going to be lonely there. But Im sure God has awesome plans for her and her husband.Well, here are some pictures of us...just some memories.

Christmas tree, oh christmas tree

I'm happy to say that my Christmas tree has lasted the whole month of December!!! After seeing the reports on the news, I was almost positive it would go up in flames. In fact, I dreamed that I lost everything in a terrible house fire caused by the neglect of my Christmas tree. The amazing tree didn't even dry up. I'm thinking about keeping it up year round just to see how long Pamela will last. ;0) (highly unlikely).In case your wondering, that is what I named my tree. In some weird way it seemed to fit. Jason and I started a tradition last year of watching a Christmas Story and Spongebob Christmas on Christmas Eve..So much fun! I hope we stick with it.

Christmas turned out great.. I felt the same overwhelming love for Christ that I have been feeling this past month. Maybe a little more. I think I actually truly felt the whole meaning of Christmas this year. Of course I grew up knowing that it is was the Celebration of Christ birth,and I always say a little prayer. But this year was different. Maybe because I have had to depend on him so much this year.. Its sad that it took a tragedy to truly give myself to the Lord, But I guess it was all in his plan.

The only thing that bummed me out was the vibe at my grandmas house on Christmas Eve.I tried to cheer people up, but its hard when your heart is breaking at the same time. It has just been a hard year for a lot of us. Its hard to understand why Christmas brings out sadness when it is supposed to be a happy, joyful day. I have been doing fine, but when I woke up on Christmas I just felt an overwhelming sense of sadness for Ava. I suppose it is just a human emotion that wont really go away. and its OK if it doesn't. As long as the God is with us we are fine.

The one gift that really got to me this year is a beautiful necklace that my sister Stephanie got for me. Its two white gold hearts with diamonds in it. at first I thought "oh how beautiful. that's a very sweet gift (and expensive gift)." then I turned the necklace over and read what was engraved on the back...

"A mother holds her daughters heart forever"

And I cried. And the gift was no longer just beautiful and expensive. It is a beautiful reminder of blessing that was given to us, even for just a short time.

Well, I hope you all had a great Christmas. I know I did. I'm so glad to have spent it with family and friends! I hope the same for you! love you all!

PS..Sorry if I write about the baby to much. I suppose that's what a blog is for. writing about your thoughts..anyway, love you.

two years

So, it was brought to my attention that I have been on this blog thing for over 2 years!! CRAZY! I cant believe I have has this thing so long. Sorry If I have bored you all to death in these two years, I will try and make my writing a little more interesting...Starting tomorrow.

Anyway, I have so much to day today. Its bad. So instead of being the responsible adult that I should be, I just sat around with my mom watching soaps and eating cookies for breakfast. lol. Oh man. It was fun. I dont really get to spend quality time with her. haha. Its funny that quality time is watching soaps and being lazy. What has this world come to?

So, Im going to Target. gonna finish up some last minute shopping and then send off some Christmas cards. I h0pe its not to late for that.

So what are your plans for Christmas? I wanna know. Im going to my aunts house with the whole family to partake in a huge game of bunco..Im freakin excited. You have no idea. ;0)

love you all.

Its gonna be ok.

Today was weird... I have good days, weeks even...But then I have those random days when I am just a mess. Little things get to me. Seeing pregnant people really gets me.. Having friends call me up to tell me they are pregnant gets to me. Its not their fault, im not mad at them. It just hurts me for some reason. Im happy for them and wish them the best and want to be a part of their lives. I just can't handle it right now I guess. I guess I thought God would heal me overnight. I actually thought he did. But I suppose its all in him timing. Maybe People never heal from losing a baby. Who knows...I just know that God gives me peace and gets me through the day. He will never give me more then I can handle.. Today is today. Its almost over.. Tomorrow should be better.

A lot of people have asked me what my future will be like as far as having children. Dont be afraid to ask questions, I dont mind. Im ok talking about it. I will be able to have children. When I get pregnant I will have a surgery called a cerclage. Basically to close my cervix..(I wont go into detail..I know you guys out there get a little uncomfortable with this stuff.) Anway, I will have the surgery at 12 weeks. Then its bedrest. Basically my cervix isnt strong enough to hold the weight of a baby..so when Ava reached a certain weight, I pretty much went into labor. The cerclage will hold the baby in. But I cant get out of bed except to take a shower, go to the bathroom, eat...Its a gravity thing. The surgery works 90-95% of the time. So yeah, I can have children. I just have to be on bedrest for 6 months...so there ya go. ;0) We will be trying again in March or April. We just want to give Ava her time. Her due date was in March.....


love you all!
AShley

Dr. Phil

So JAZ!!! Here is my update on the Job interview..

It was DUMB!!! Instead of interviewing me for the position I applied for , they wanted me to work for the Santa Maria Times doing the phone lines..Taking all the calls from the angry people and calling people to make them pay their bills...and they would want me to work the weekends..and they only pay 7 $ and hour. Dumb..so I didnt take it. But I did just get a job as a nanny again. Starting in January. I figured That since I will be trying for another baby around march, I shouldnt get a professional job right now. I would just have to quit when I get pregnant..and the lady I will nanny for knows the situation. Oh yeah, and I would only have to work 3 days a week..for 11 hours though...ahhh. but its ok. the baby is 8 months old. HE is sooo cute! so we will see how that goes.

DR PHIL!!!! well, im leaving in a couple minutes to go to pasadena..then in the morning My sister, and friend Caitlin and I are going to Hollywood to see DR PHIL!!!!!! Im so excited. I cant believe we got tickets! Its gonna be a blast. I will post more later about how the show went.

Well, thats all for now. love you all!!!

Job anyone?

Well, I have a job interview at Santa Maria Times tomorrow..So im pretty exciting..I wish I could still be a nanny for Riley. But I would feel to bad for taking the new girls job. She is so sweet! And Its good for Riley to play with the new nannys baby..I Do miss her so much though. here is a picture of her incase you dont know how freakin cute she is.

cute huh?

I Do love that kid.

So lately things have been going well. Jason and I are getting by. Only through Christ that is. The strenth that he gives is amazing.

STEPHANIE IS MARRIED!!!!!!!!!! Her And her husband Mike are moving to new Jersey in a month. can you believe that. sooo wierd. Here they are. Its not a wedding photo but I will put some up when I see them. The photo below is how sad sam and I because she is leaving..bababababbababababa....

Ok..well im gonna go. lve you all. do you people read this?