Its a?

BOY! I think most of you know that by now. But anyway, some of you dont know..so yeah, there ya go. I dont have much to write about..except everything is going very well and the baby is healthy. Im feeling him move everyday now and thats very exciting. here are some pictures.


................."shhhhh..im on the phone!"
.........................................You can kind of see his nose and mouth here.
.............................................It looks like he has 6 fingers but one of them is just something in the background..yeah, i kind of freaked out but its all good.
............................................Tylers face..kind of look cute and scary at the same time!

.......................................im not sure if you can all see this. but he was covering his face like he was hiding from the doppler :0)
..........................................A side view
.........................................evidence that he is in fact a boy ;0)

...........................................looks like he is trying to suck his thumb.

Thats all! hope you liked it.

finally!

Finally!! a new blog. Sorry this has taken so long. Anyway. The past couple of weeks haven't been to exciting. But they haven't been boring either. Lots of graduations and lots of expensive dinners. Wed we went to the beach and had a bonfire for Kyles birthday. It was a lot of fun. here are some pictures.

lol..isn't Ryan pretty!

me and the emo Tanya. I guess it was windy or something

Tan and Michelle looking beautiful!

A random picture of the fire!

and yes..I have decided to be a nun..a pregnant nun. and josh is very excited about that.My poor husband has been so busy with work lately. I really haven't seen the guy in almost 3 days. we did go to dinner on wed but then he had to go back to work. The other day he went to work at 7. got done at 5 and went back to work at 8pm until 5 am!!! and get this. He woke up at 7 am to go back to work! crazy guy. he is so busy and I miss him. I finally get to spend some time with him tonight YAY!

FATHERS DAY! Jason and I skipped out on church to go to my aunt Debbie's house for breakfast. A lot of the family was there. It was pretty fun. And the food was awesome! I wish our family would get together more often. like we used to. It was like " oh hey guys...its Monday, wanna have a BBQ" now it seems like we have to have some special thing going on to get together. I guess that's life. Anyway, I got to spend some time with my dad and I got him some silly little gifts. I think he liked them. Its nice to see him. Its sad that we live so close and I only see him once every two weeks. so here is a picture from my wedding. My grandpa Steve from NC ..My daddy Steve and my grandpa Ron. I love them all!
Well, I guess I can update about the baby. I'm finally 20 weeks! very exciting. I feel like this is a big deal because I made it past the 19 weeks and everything is going so well. I did freak out a little because I couldn't feel the baby move for over a week. But I got an ultrasound done and everything was fine. I'm pretty sure the baby is a boy. And I'm fine with that. Actually I'm very excited about that! I would love to have another little girl, because I'm afraid I will never get to have one. But I will love this baby more then anything whether its a boy or girl.. I went to Ross yesterday and bought some baby clothes. Just to help the pregnancy feel more real..and to convince myself that everything is going to be ok and I'm really going to have a baby. I still haven't made the connection with this baby, but I can feel it getting stronger. I think I just needed to get past that scary point. Now that I have, I feel much better. OH YEAH!!! WE FIND OUT WHAT THE BABY IS ON WED!!! WOOOOO. what do you think im going to have? here is what the baby should look like.

Thats all for now. I will write more when exciting things happen! ;0)

for my friend shann

Oooops..sorry

Yeah, Sorry! I've been "yelled" at by lots of people because I haven't updated my blog;0) Well, here ya go! Its hard sometimes to keep this thing up. I don't really have much to write about. But I will try.

Saturday there is a Butterfly ceremony at the Angel of Hope Memorial. Im planning on going I just hope it isn't as sad as the first ceremony. I feel I should be there though. Im not sure what they plan on doing, but I assume it has something to do with Butterfly's. :0) Ava's brick is in and I'm sad to say that I haven't had the chance to go see it. I feel horrible. At least I will see it Saturday and I take some pictures to post. Anyone else going? Aunt Debbie? Aunt Christine? I dont really want to go alone. Jason wont be here. Him and Chris are going to Ventura to record some songs in the Studio. That should be fun for him. Except he will be gone for two days and thats sad..Blah. Someone should keep me company! Give me a call.

Not much has really happened since my last blog. Im just taking it easy and spending time with some friends. I did go to the Dr. the 30th to check on the baby. They couldn't find the heartbeat with the Doppler so they did an ultrasound. I was pretty excited that they had to do the ultrasound because I get to see the baby. Sure enough, there she/he was jumping around. My little alien looking baby ;0). I wish I could post the picture but I don't have a scanner. The dr said the heartbeat was around 140 . So she thinks its a boy. But you never know. JUNE 27Th!!! I find out the Sex. I'm so excited!! Although, I think I might get myself into a lot of trouble when I find out what the sex is...Shopping...yikes. I better be careful!

Not my baby! but, this is what the baby should look like around 18 weeks. Just a couple days away!

Alright..that's all I have to write about. but here are some pictures!

On memorial day we had a camp out in my back yard. We stole Chris boxers and froze them and hung his clothes all over the yard. Here are his PJ's hanging from my tree!

I think Jason loves the Ketchup more then me!

And Chris!!

I love these girls!!! Jessica, myself and Shann

Im really not sure what is going on here. but it was fun!

Delaby is sad because she is dork...

The coolest dog in the world..oh yeah, deliah is cool too! hehe

THATS IT?

So your probably wondering what my title means. "that's it" well. I had my surgery last week and it went very well. After getting a spinal and going through a ten min surgery, my only response at the end was...That's it? It was so simple. I don't know what I was freaking out about. The spinal didn't hurt, and the surgery was so quick and fun..lol .. I say fun because I was all drugged up and loopy and kept falling asleep during our conversation about Opera. Every time I would start talking I would fall asleep. I think the only uncomfortable part was the numbing medication. It stung for about 5 seconds, which isn't bad at all. So I went in about 7 am. Surgery was around 9am. and I was home by 12:30 pm. My back hurt for a couple of days because of the spinal and I convinced myself every morning that my water was broken. I'm still paranoid about everything, but its alot better knowing that this baby wont just fall out..Sorry if that's a lot of info there ;0)

I went back to the Dr on wed I think.. They checked the stitches and made sure I didn't have an infection. And did an ultrasound to make sure my water didn't break and that the baby was ok. And sure enough, everything is fine. The baby was big and all I could see at first was his/her little and legs. It was so cute.

I was reading this woman's blog who is 34 weeks pregnant. She lost a baby at 10 weeks, another at 21 weeks and another one at 24 weeks. It was horrible. She was 34 weeks along and still had no connection with her baby. Even being so far along she doesn't believe that this baby will live. Like its to good to be true. We all know that she is far along enough that her baby is going to be fine. But after losing a child...or 3, I guess you just stop believing that it will ever work out..even at 34 weeks.

I started thinking about how this pregnancy is different then my last. I realized that Jason and I relate a lot to this woman. I haven't talked to this baby, sang to this baby, read baby books or magazines. Im not as excited and I don't have the connection with this one like I did with Ava. I felt the baby move yesterday for the first time. Ive felt flutters but I really felt her/him yesterday. And I didn't freak out like I did with the first one. I dont really know how to explain it. But just like that woman, I still dont believe that everything is going to be ok. Jason and I talked about how different this pregnancy was. We came to the conclusion that we are scared and are guarding ourselves from being hurt again. which I suppose is normal. I just feel bad. I don't love this baby any less or more then Ava...I just haven't been able to connect yet. make sense? I suppose as time goes by it will get better and I will get that motherly joy that moms get. But I dont think im going to be able to rest or believe it until I have the baby. I guess we will see.

sorry this is so long. did anyone read it? its OK it you don't..um yeah. I will keep everyone updated.

GRACE BAPTIST TOMORROW 7:00 pm. BE THERE!!

scared.

My day has been hell. The feeling is really hard to describe. I cant tell I'm just emotional from being pregnant or if I'm just a nervous wreck. Tomorrow I'm getting my cerclage put it. I wasn't really freaked out about it at all. I was/am scared because I'm getting a spinal..ouch..but that's the least of my worries now. I went to the Dr today for a check up and to get the info on the surgery tomorrow. Dr. Dillon tells me that there are risks with this surgery. Which is expected I suppose. He tells me that there is a chance that the membranes rupture..whatever that means..So there is a chance that two days, maybe even a week after the surgery the baby can die. GREAT. Just what I needed to hear. So he basically tells me that He isn't telling me not to get the surgery but he also not telling me that its really needed. He said most women lose 2-3 babies before they are told they need a cerclage..And I'm sorry, but I'm not OK with that. I'm not going to lose 3 babies before I do something about it..So here are my choices. Get the surgery and hope to go full term and have healthy baby with the risk of it dying because of the procedure...or.... don't get the cerclage and maybe have a healthy baby in the end with the high risk of losing the baby early because of my history... Either way I'm risking my babies life. I hate that I have to make that choice. But I have to remember that either way its in Gods hands not mine. I just cant help thinking that my decision could kill my baby. I know that sounds very vulgar..but its how I feel. To tell you the truth , I will not be able to handle losing another baby. I cant...But you know what. I'm sure the Dr has to tell me the risks..its part of his job. and in the end everything will be ok. That's what I'm praying for. I have really felt that the Lord had his hand on this pregnancy the whole time. He helped me from the beginning and when the Dr's didn't give me much hope he did..and everything turned out great. So yeah..I'm probably freaking out about nothing.

So I have to be at the hospital at 7 am and the surgery will be around 9. It will take about 15 mins.. Which is awesome. I will stay there for a part of the day and go home for a week of very exciting bed rest. Come visit me please!! I would love it.. hospital or at home..I don't care. I would love to have people over to keep me company. Until then, keep us in your prayers. pray that everything goes well before and after surgery. And that I don't have a complete breakdown. thank you!!

When will it end?

So im not one to write blogs about my "feelings" or anything. But this past week has been so stressful on me. And Im sure everyone involved. Im so tired from not being able to sleep and the stress of things that I just want to get a hotel room for a weekend and tell everyone to leave me alone. Seriously, when will it end?

Besides all the stress of life and the other crap the baby is doing fine. my next appointment is on monday. im so excited. I found out that my surgery will be May 10th. They changed it on me. I thought It was going to be this week. I guess not. But they know what they are doing. Im not really nervous about anything except the spinal. Im not looking forward to having a huge needle stuck in my back. I know that it wont be as bad as im expecting, but the anticipation of it really gets me. Im sure everything will be fine. And of course, worth it. I wont have to freak out so much that my baby is going to be premature or that my body will just go into labor. Now we know how to fix it and hopefully it works. Im really not as stressed about everything anymore. Now that I made it to 3 months. To be honest, time just really goes by quick. This baby will be here faster then we think.

So today I went to Ross hoping I would find at least 2 shirts. I can never find anything there..So guess how many I filled my card with.....32!!! Isnt that crazy!! I must have gotten there right in time. So yeah, all you Ross people out there. GO. Right now is the perfect time. Just so you know, I didnt buy all 32 shirts. I ended up taking about 6 home. and im happy about that. Hopefully they fit me in a couple of months. Does anyone know where I can get some maternity pants for us double digit women? ;0)

thats all. here are some pictures. have fun.

yeah, thats what my baby should look like. pretty sweet.

Lol, this ones for you aunt debbie. look how much Kevin loves him mama! you look a little concerned though ;0)

my Birthday-Nov 11th

So on monday I went to see the Dr. This was the big appointment I was worried about.
I was just afraid that when I got the ultrasound the baby would have passed away.
The reason I was afraid is because my aunt had the same hormone issue and she miscarried around 9 weeks. I felt like things were gonna be ok. But I still had that fear in me.
I think even the Dr was afraid of what he would see because he didnt put the video in to record the ultrasound until halfway through. I think he wanted to make sure the baby was fine. He usually records from the beginning.

Good news though, everything was fine! The due date changed to November 11th. My birthday!! Kind of exciting huh! So I ended up being a whole week further then we thought. Sorry V! The baby was so cute. It looked like he/she was in a bounce house and was jumping all over the place. So I was very excited about that. The only thing Im really afraid of now is getting my surgery. I have to have it done in about a week and a half! yikes! I know it will be well worth it, but I hate the thought of having surgery. Freaks me out a little. so yeah, keep me in your prayers!

Thats about all I have to write about. Sorry! Nothing to exciting has been going on, Ive just been resting as much as I can. I dont get much sleep because of the medicine im on. Only two more weeks of that though!! ..ooh yeah.. I won $50 at Bunco..lol wooo hooo! So thats it. take care. feel free to ask any questions if you want!

Hello Easter

Easter came out of nowhere for me this year. All of the sudden it was a week away. I couldnt believe it. We did have a great Easter despite me being so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. We went to my Aunts house for dinner and played an awesome game that I have never seen. There are two post and you have to throw this rope with a ball on each end and wrap it around the post..Sounds exciting right? nope. but it was! Church was awesome on Sunday. Jenn had it right when she said she felt like crying out for Joy when we sang How Great is our God. AMAZING. How great is our God, For dying on the cross for us and coming back 3 days later. Praise God!

So I guess Avas brick is finally in at the Angel of hope. Im excited to go and see it. If you havnt had the chance to check it out you should. Its such a sweet little place to go. And the angel is beautiful. Yeah, it can be sad. But its a place for remembering. I think you should check it out sometime. I will be putting up some pictures soon when I go. there are also 2 other bricks for my cousins Faith and Emma who past away before their 9 months.

Oh yeah! I went to the Todd Agnew concert! Amazing. Im not even a huge fan. So I wasnt crazy excited about going. But once it started it was awesome. The best time of worship I have been to in awhile. He is a funny guy. And he was sick. It was pretty sad. But he made the best of it and did a great Job. He wasnt at all like I expected. I thought he would be older but he was pretty young. If you guys ever get a chance to see him live you should.

One thing that stuck out to me at the concert was the story about his grandma dying. He had such a hard time with her loss. And the whole thought of her going to heaven still didnt comfort him. So he talked about a verse in the bible that says when we get to heaven God greets us with a song that he wrote just for us. Wow. When we get to heaven you would think the first thing we would do is praise God. But he greets us with a song written just for us, surrounded by colors we have never seen. I dont know the exact wording, but I love it. . . . .when I figure out the verse I will write more about it.

So the pregnancy is going well so far. (as far as I know) I did have a scare the other day, but I just had a reaction to my medication that made me have really bad cramps. The dr office I go to knows that I am crazy paranoid because of the last pregnancy. they are very good about getting me in when I think something is wrong. And they are very understanding..did I already write about this last time? sorry if I did..Anyway, im about 9 weeks along. Here is what my baby should look like right about now.

I cant believe in only 9 weeks those little fingers can be so well formed! The picture below is about 7 weeks.

CRAZY! look how tiny those feet are!

heres the baby

i cant really think of anything to write about. so here are some pictures of what my baby look like right about now. Im only 7 1/2 weeks. But Its crazy to see how much they grow in just a week.

baby news!

Sorry it has taken me so long to update you all! I've been so sick. This baby really is kicking my butt. I've lost a total of 6 lbs already..yikes! Hopefully the sickness doesn't last 5 months like my last pregnancy. That would really suck. Anyway, I was so overwhelmed with all the comments on my last blog. Thank you so so much to everyone who is actually reading my blog and to those who are praying for us. It means sooo much to Jason and I. Well, here's whats going on.





I went back to the Dr and was scared to death that there wouldn't be a heart beat. The ultrasound equipment they used was the older machine so we couldn't find the heartbeat..I freaked. I was so scared. But then there it was 130 heart rate. Beautiful. I was so excited!! I wish I could show you a picture of my ultrasound. The baby as so so tiny. I was thrilled. So they measured the baby and I was only 6 weeks and 2 days. AHHH. This is going to be the longest pregnancy ever! But I am so happy we found out early because we were able to see that my hormone levels were low and we have started taking care of it. Its always good to find the problem early. So hopefully everything will work out. So my next appointment is in 3 weeks. Its weird to wait that long because I have been going in once a week ...sometimes 2 times a week. Maybe that means things are looking up. so there ya go. Everything seems to be going great. I just wish I could eat now!

Here is what my baby looks like right now...CRAZY

And this is basically what we saw on the ultrasound..hehe look at my little snail. so cute. (thats not my ultrasound picture. but it look exactly the same)

THE CONCERT!! Was amazing. Jeremy and Adie Camp are awesome. It was a very kick back concert. It was awesome to hear their testimonies and to have QandA time with them. Jeremy camp is freaking hilarious. the whole band was so funny. They would laugh at each other until they cried. I loved it. It definitely made mine and Jasons day so much better...



well, sorry this has been kind of a lame update. I'm not feeling very good. so I'm just gonna try and eat and get some sleep. thank you all! remember to keep praying for us!

I know its long....

I know this is really long. But please read it if you can. It means a lot for me, and I could really use the support..thank you!

I can finally post that I am pregnant. yay! I should wait longer to tell people because things are not going so well. I have low progesterone levels. And progesterone is the hormone that keeps the baby safe and keeps women from miscarrying. I have starting taking some progesterone pills to bring up my levels and I pray that it works. This has been a very scary time for Jason and I. I have already had a trip to the hospital thinking I was losing the baby. I prayed to hard that God would prove the Dr.s wrong. and he has so far. So I guess I will start from the beginning.

Found out I was pregnant and went to the Dr. When they did an ultrasound they couldn't see anything and I was freaked out. They also found a cyst on my ovaries the size of an Orange! yikes. So hopefully that will go away or else I have to have it removed. Moving on, They did blood work and told me my hormone levels are low. A lot of the signs pointed to the pregnancy being ectopic. (meaning the baby would be in my fallopian tubes..bad bad ) So one night I started bleeding and cramping. It was the worst feeling ever. thinking I was losing another baby. So I called the dr and he said I was having a miscarriage. So I went in and they checked and everything was fine. They even saw a sack in my uterus. Meaning it was not ectopic. yay.. So I go home that night and am sick the entire night...nice huh. just thought you should know. Turned out I had the worst stomach flu ever! blah. so I went back to the Dr. the next day and they checked again. my hormone levels kept dropping. so they put me on the meds to raise my levels. The next week I went back and they saw a baby in the sack but no heart beat. So of course Im freaking out even more. I went back in about a week later and saw a heartbeat! The Dr was very surprised and happy to see the heart beat and said everything is progressing the way it should be. praise God! Just shows how much prayer helps. So this pregnancy is pretty much a waiting game. I have an appointment on Monday to measure the baby. Im just praying that there is still a heartbeat and everything is fine. Pray for me.

March 25 is Ava's due date. I prayed that God would send Jason and I some hope and comfort this month. And he sent us another baby. Not that this one is taking her place, but it did give us hope and comfort. Just knowing that he is here for us and hears our prayers. Sunday is going to be a hard day for us, but I know we will be ok. A song that has really helped Jason and I is Jeremy camp, Walk by Faith. I have listened to this song daily. Here is the trippy part. Jasons mom got jason and I tickets to see him in concert..on Sunday..the one day we really need it. YAY! I really believe thats a God thing. I asked for comfort on that day and he sent it. Sorry this is so long everyone. Are you even reading this? hehe. thanks if you are.

So here are the lyrics





Will I believe you when you say, Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say, Every moment of every day
Well I will walk by faith Even when I cannot see
because this broken road Prepares Your will for me

Help me to RID my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

well i will walk by faith even when i cannot see
because this broken road prepares your will for me
Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace
Well I will walk by faith Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road Prepares Your will for me

So please keep us in your prayers. Really though, pray pray pray. Dont say you will just to be nice..;0) really do it. It would mean so much to us. I will keep ya all updated.
ashley

HMM.

Im really not sure what to write about. I mean, I could write a novel. But its not the right timing. Soon though ;0) Im feeling much better. I had the craziest flu last week! I havnt been that sick since I was little. Thank God its gone! I still dont have much off an appetite though. OOOH! I remember what I could write about. Sunday, Jason and I are going to see Jeremy Camp in concert at his moms church. Im so excited! He is by far my favorite christian singer. He has an amazing testimony. Its gonna be a lot of fun. Jasons mom got us tickets for like $60! crazy.

anyway, thats all for now..lol sorry!

My amazing weekend!

First off. I want to show you my sisters new puppies..they are so cute I could cry...The dogs names are Roxy and Hurly.ahhhhhhhh. Just an update. Steph and Mike just got their new place in New Jersey. As far as I know they really like the new place . they are just getting settled in. Miss you Stephanie!!

I had the most amazing weekend in Santa Cruse. Instead of just writing about it I thought I would show you some pictures. here ya go!

the excitement of getting there after 4 hours was to much for Michelle and I!

We danced.

We hung out in Tanya's Dorm with the crew.

We worshiped.
We protected the president! (long story)

Our guys beat up trees until there was a single branch left! ;0) so strong.
We played mini golf in the most amazing indoor course! I lost.

we flirted with pirates! Actually that was the theme of the mini golf course. We sailed a boat..

We acted like crazy people.

We had a picnic.
We played in the grass.

We sent love to our friends that couldn't make the trip.. we missed you! We supported our friend Erin while she opened for Paul wright at BU. we went to the boardwalk! so much fun!
we bonded.

we watched the sun set And we said goodbye :0(



So yeah. There was a lot more, but these are all the pictures I could get my hands on. We had a blast just hanging out. Im glad our group is pretty chill. We have the best time when we are together. althought I did miss my husband greatly. I was gone for about 4 days. goodtimes though.I think my favorite part was going to the boardwalk and watching Erin Ragland and paul wright do a show. they were awesome. Well, thats all for now. hope you liked it!