"teach us to make the most of our time, so that we may grow in wisdom"

My focus has been way off lately. I'm bummed that I can read two novels in 6 days but cant read the whole bible in 17 years of being a christian. And so it starts. Today I read Psalm 51. I'm going to be honest. Its the first time in a long time I have cried and felt anything while reading my bible. (Sad right?) I felt strong
conviction....forgiveness...compassion....brokenness.....healing. "Read with the emotion in which it was written" Can you imagine David pouring himself out to God in that moment. I can see him on his knees, hands in the air, crying out to God for forgiveness....completely broken. I look at Davids cry to God compared to mine when I pray ....his desperate and honest. Mine watered down as if I'm just repeating the same prayer I learned in Sunday school years ago. There was a point where I wished I was a new christian so I could have that same fire and hunger that a new believer has. Ive realized im blessed to have grown up in the church and it is my fault for not being where im supposed to be. Even if you have been a christian for 50 years, that fire and hunger should always be there. Right?

If only you knew the gift God has for you and who I am, you would ask me, and I would give you living water. John 10-14

Pastor Greg and James often talk about how if you think the bible is boring you are not reading it right. As you can tell from the paragraph above, I am just figuring this out. Two weeks ago at late service, Pastor Greg said "read the bible with the emotions in which it was written" He went on to read some verses that I have read several times in my 17 years of being a christian. There was a difference this time though..Finally.....Job 19:25-27. "but as for me MY REDEEMER LIVES, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And as my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God. I myself will see him with my own eyes. I , and not another. how my heart yearns within me" My redeemer lives....He will stand upon THIS earth.....In my flesh I will see God.....I will see him with my own eyes! Simply amazing.

So I have recently made a new friend. One that I love dearly and thank God for. I dont know if she realizes it but God has used her tremendously in my life, even in the short time we have known each other. Its amazing to me that she has only been a christian for two years. she can bust out a bible verse from the top of her head that is always relevant to my situation. I dont remember the last time I had a friend who wasn't afraid to put me in my place when I have screwed up and manage to do it in love. If you don't know who I am talking, Tyler likes to call her Babby. ;0)

Thats all for now. sorry If I rambled on. Just some things that God is revealing to me. thought I would share. pray that I can keep my focus on this and continue to seek him. like others im sure, I find myself drifting and forgetting why im really here. Please feel free to add to this If you want or correct me if im wrong. thx!

pretty much.

I’m waking up

The world is turning

The sun is shining again

I’m holding on

To things I shouldn’t

It’s time to let them go

I’ve been on a losing streak

Hit so hard I couldn’t speak

But when I hear Your voice it fades away

And I can hear You say

It’s a brand new day

The pain goes away

I’m headed for the door

And I’m going home

I’m going home

I’m going home

I’m going home

Your love, it burns

Away my darkness

You guide me when I’m blind

You are the light

That shines inside me

Showing me I’m So much more

When I’ve been on a losing streak

Hit so hard I couldn’t speak

But when I hear Your voice it fades away

Take me into Your armsMy home lies within Your heart

oh the things we could do.

How amazing would it be to pay cheaper rent. this amazing. (in no particular order)

1. I could take some classes at hancock
2. buy some new clothes
3. take a vacation
4. pay medical bills
5. pay credit card bills
6. save to buy a home one day
7. put money away for Tyler (college fund!)
8. buy some new shoes.
9. sponsor a child (that would be amazing!)
10. get a wii. and a wii fit
11. Start an amazing book collection. ( need to read more!)
12. pay for a healthy meal plan! (no one my age can afford Jenny.. Lets just be honest)
13. buy my friends random gifts
14. Start a fun/new hobby

Oh how the list could go on. This can be a reality. Today we are looking at a place in old orcutt. hopefully it will be a good match for us. And hopefully this will be the last time we have to move for awhile!

What is God saying to us?

AMAZING! My favorite lyrics right now. Times by Tenth Avenue North.

(Us)
I know I need You I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Now You pull me near You. When we're close, I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done
Are You done forgiving? Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?

(God)
I hear You say,"My love is over.
It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?
'The times you're broken. The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between. These times you're healing,
and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting. The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm. My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends. It never ends."

So long 2008. I will miss you...I wont miss you..I will miss you..I wont miss you?

As you can tell Im having a hard time deciding if im going to miss 2008 or not. I think back and I see a ton of excitement, love, memories, accomplishments. And then, like any year there is heartbreak, loss, and let down. But I have to say the good times beat the bad with no question. Its almost like they were competing at one point. Something amazing would happen and then something upsetting would jump in and take you by surprise. I suppose that's life. God knows what he is doing and has a reason for everything. So im sorry bad memories, you lost the fight. But you sure did leave and impact.

I can honestly say that 2008 was the best year for me for a lot of reason. Not only did I get to share it with my truly wonderful husband but we got to experience it with our baby Tyler.. Its true when people say having a baby is a huge step and will change your life. To be honest though, I heard a lot of negative from people.. "Be prepared for no sleep, stress, dirty diapers, tantrums, and a lot of crying." Sure. We have experienced those things. But when I think about Tyler and what we have been through this year, those are the last things that come to mind. I think about his first words, his smiles, laughter, hugs and kisses, first steps and discoveries. I remember the first time he wrapped his arms around me to give me a hug. Not just a cuddle, but a real hug. I could seriously go on forever about why I love him and how he has brought joy and unconditional love to Jason and I. I feel like I have become a better person just having him. He has changed my life for the better. well, I should stop now or this entire blog will be consumed with reasons why I love my son and unforgettable memories he has made. I look forward to 2009 because I know that the Joy doesn't end here and I couldn't be happier about that.

There have been a lot of changes that God has made in me this past year. There were times when I felt like I was really pushed the edge. I made mistakes and tried to fix them myself. when people made mistakes and hurt me I wouldn't go to him for help. I would try and fix it on my own. Not trusting in him and giving those problems to him really brought me down. I believe that God will allow you to reach your lowest point until you have no where else to go but to him. Agree with me or not. I believe that. I don't know if I reached the lowest. But it was almost more then I could handle. And we all know he will never give us more then we can handle. The day finally came when I no longer looked to others or myself for help but reached out to God and things got better. The "distractions" were gone. Relationships were ended. (even if I didn't like it) But God always knew what he was doing. I don't give anyone credit for those changes in my life except God. No one "taught" me a lesson except him. . Its all God.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

One of the changes I want to make is being more of a light for Christ. I want to step as far away from my comfort zone as possible. I want to share his Glory with everyone I come across. Because I do not believe we should keep that to ourselves. We are called to be the salt of earth. To be a light for him. How can we do that if we hide his glory for our own purpose. I have never had a problem with talking about God and my faith. But I do know I can do a better job. I could be a better example and make better choices with my life. Pastors sermon summed it up for me last week. I really felt like it spoke to me. Here are some notes.

Such is the beauty of Christ, that once the Christian has that veil removed from their heart they long to continually look at his beauty as it is revealed in his most holy word.

How do you become more like Jesus Christ? Paul says it is by continually beholding his Glory (look less at yourself and more at Christ)

When you are saved the veil of sin is lifted from your face so that you Can see the beauty of the Lord in the mirror of his word. and as you look you are gradually, through its influence, transformed more and more completely into his likeness.

The most wonderful changes in your life are not only possible but natural when the Lord is at work in you.

GODS CHILDREN GROW BY SEEING THE GLORY OF CHRIST

all of us continually reflect, as in a mirror, the glory of the Lord

I want the veil to come down. and I believe it is. Its not just about going through the motions anymore. Its becoming a desire and im really excited about that. .

Now that I have written this blog I have decided I will miss a lot about 2008. But I am also happy to leave a lot of it behind and continue forward. Anyway, this is a really long blog. sorry! There is so much more that I could write but I don't want to bore you anymore then I already have ;0) Thoughts are always appreciated ;0)

some pictures

Here are a TON of pictures that I have neglected to share with my blogging friends and family. Sorry about that. we've got ty's bday, Halloween, thanksgiving, another bday party, randomness and a stolen gnome..so enjoy.

Tyler, Jamie, Kala, and Hannah. (beth armsheimer photography)

They all had the cutest costumes! (beth Armsheimer photography)

Tyler very much enjoyed the Elmo cake that Aunt christine made for him. I dont blame him though. it was amazing! Cousin Saige and Jason having fun. this picture cracks me up!

Gnome!!! There might be a Ransom involved. we haven't decided yet ;0)

After Tylers bday we had a little Halloween bash.

There is something V forgot to tell everyone..hehe. jk. she made a great Juno though! And we cant forget Justins awesome costume as sweeny Todd!

Tanya was a pretty butterfly and shannon was a...uhhhhh. i dont know but she looked pretty awesome too! lol little zeke was the cutest lion I had ever seen and mom and dad were tribes people...?

Randomness is wonderful. They tried to take a nice family picture but very funny uncle mike decided to jump in. He looks like a turtle. I think this is the first picture i ever took with cousin kyle..maybe we took some when we were younger?




one of my favorite picture. myself shann and tan. I love these girls! And yes i know. The picture of tan and I is probably the most attractive thing you have ever seen. try to contain yourself.

AHH! sorry. he's a scary little gnome. sneaks up on my all the time!

The many faces of Tyler. Just so you know. there is no noise coming out. its just a face. And sometimes he thinks he's a rock star. Hence the faux hock and the lip thing. He's pretty hardcore.

How could you not love this face. He is to much

Now to our little family photoshoot. All of these are done by the amazing Bethany Armsheimer. Not just the best photographer you will ever meet. She is a great friend and amazing person. I know ive said it before. but I love her!

thinking back.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28


I don't normally blog about what I'm feeling. It feels silly to do that sometimes. Its easier to just put up some pictures and write about whats going on in them. But right now I have so many thoughts going on that I feel like I'm going to go crazy. yes.. I know, very dramatic. But its the truth. I don't even know if I want to write about it on here. Or if I even should. So I'm thinking that this blog might not make a lot of sense to a lot of you since I'm pretty sure it will be lacking in detail.



Don't get me wrong. Life is great! I have an amazing husband and son. Jason loves me and takes care of me. He is my best friend. I wouldn't as for more. . . I have a beautiful little boy that cracks me up. He is simply amazing! . I have a wonderful church full of people that I adore. Great friends that treat me the way I should be treated and don't give up. seriously, I'm thankful for so many things..so many people. I'm thankful that I have a Lord that loves me so much, that he forgives me and loves me....even when I cant forgive. . .

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.



people talk about having a wall if front of them. that keeps them from moving forward and keeps them from seeing what is really in front of them. Is it possible for that wall to come and go as it pleases? Or is it always there? What gives me the right to pick and chose the right people to forgive and at what time? Who am I to sit and feel sorry for myself over STUPID things that life throws at me.


Philippians 2.3,4
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit,but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself;Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."



I feel so selfish. Here I get upset over past friendships, money, my bad haircut, my weight....always afraid of what people think about me..When someone I love has to deal with so much more. Things far worst then I have ever gone through. If I could take everything that has happened to her and put it on me I would. Because I would never wish it on anyone. Ive typed out so many different ways of saying this..but nothing really seems to sound right. I'm just upset with myself for not being able to forgive old friends for stupid reasons when this person I love has to one day forgive a monster. Because if she doesn't it will always be there. I cant fathom how hard that will be. All the petty things don't seem to matter anymore when I think of all she has been through. And everything that she will have to deal with in April and probably for the rest of her life. I just pray that she knows how much we all love her and that we are all here for her. That God will take care of her and help her if she will let him.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Even if the judgement in April doesn't go exactly the way we want it to. just remember that God will take care of you. and God will "take care" of this man. He is the ultimate judge and will give this man what he deserves. .

Psalm 75:6-7
No one from the East or the West or from the desert can exalt a man. But it is God who judges: He brings one down, he exalts another.

Psalm 46"

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."

Well hello Christmas!

I know we say this every year..But can you believe its Christmas already!? Time has passed so quickly and our little guy is now on his second Christmas. He was so little last year. Just starting to smile. I remember that night like it was yesterday. Now its almost Christmas again and he just starting to walk and say new words. The other day Tanya was here and Ty was playing with his toys. He looked up and said "OH WOW!" It was great! I really do consider those to be his first words/phrase.

Anyway, back to Christmas. Its time to break out the boxes of Christmas decor and purchase an amazingly huge Christmas tree. We actually have room for on this year! I can see it now. Tyler attempting to eat the fallen pine needles and curiously pulling all the ornaments off the bottom of the tree. I'm excited for these small things because it means new memories. And yes. We do plan on taking him to see Santa. I

have a feeling it wont go as well this year as it did the last. ;0)

last Year Jason and I showed up to my Grandmas house to find that we missed out on singing Christmas carols with my family! I heard it was hilarious! My aunt handed out musical instruments to everyone (we have a big family) and they sang Christmas carols and made a lot of noise. And I'm sure a few tears were shed from laughing so hard. I WILL NOT miss out of that this year. I could just imagine the looks people outside of our family would give us. And that makes me laugh. My family might be a little nutty. but I'm ok with that ;0)

Here it is! The wish list.

1. elliptical
2. wii fit
3. cozy slippers
4. A new awesome camera!
5. keyboard
6. a really big picture frame

wow. I really thought I had a lot more..and since no one can afford half that stuff on my list, I'm assuming my feet will be warm with those cozy slippers ;0) ............(list to be updated soon ;0) )

Hello!!

So yesterday was mine and Jasons 3 year anniversary!! I really cant believe that 3 years has gone by so quickly. Time does fly. We went to the Madonna Inn for dinner. Its kind of a tradition for us. I love it there. The atmosphere is amazing and the food is great. So that was a lot of fun. It was just something simple to do for the day. The real anniversary gift will be on monday. We are going to spend the day in Avila and then spend the night at Avila bay resort. Its almost half price if you stay during the week. I cant wait just relax and sit on the balcony, sip some wine and enjoy the ocean. We haven't had time away together like this since...well, our honeymoon? Im not quite sure what else we will do. Maybe just walk around the beach and check out the stores. Does anyone have any suggestions? I guess I could google it ;0) ( I have to say, that my husband is the most wonderful man. Its hard to put in words how much you love someone. Im just so happy he is the one I get to spend the rest of my life with. I wouldn't have it any way.)

So not much has been going on lately. Just hanging out and working on being healthy. OH YEAH! Tanya came in to down for a much needed visit. That was a TON of fun. We played games and went to my cousins birthday party..spent some time at church. It was great having her here. I just wish the visit wasn't so short. I cant wait until she can come back on break..I cant wait until she completely done with school! Then I can have my best friend back ... I miss her..

To end this blog. My son is going to be one on Halloween!! How crazy is that? He is getting big. He can clap now, stand on his own...Walking will be in no time. I love him.

OH my gosh

Someone flagged my weight loss blog!! I'm so irritated. Has this happened to anyone else on here? It should be up and running by tomorrow though. I had to do a survey thingy and they will check my blog to make sure I haven't broken any rules. Oh geeez. everyone knows I don't write anything bad in my blogs...Anyway. Just thought I would let you know. thanks!
AShley

The other blog

So Ive started another blog strictly for weight loss. So if you want to encourage me or see how im doing check it out. I plan on writing in it everyday at the end of the day to update everyone on my progress and for you guys to keep me in check. Thank you for those who will read it and support me. . love you!!

http://ashleyhyltonsweightloss.blogspot.com/

"unless you throw up, pass out, or die..DO NOT GET OFF THAT TREADMILL." - Jillian Michaels (she's crazy)

I have to admit. I am a fan of reality TV..

The show that I am watching right now is The biggest Loser. I really respect these people for putting it all out there. They have to wear very little as to show the world just how overweight they are And so we can clearly see the changes in them physically. to make things worst for these people they display their weight to the world. I understand why they do it though. you get to this point where you don't care anymore and will do anything to get the weight off. (in a healthy way hopefully) even if that means humiliating yourself in front of the world. I know how much it means to them. in the end someone wins $250,000..But you never hear them talk about the money. because that's not why they are there.. . I think I'm at that point. seriously. I would go on that show even if it meant I had to look awful in front of America while I worked out. Even if it meant I had to tell everyone how much I weigh and wear the horrible outfits. I would feel bad for America for having to look at me lol. but I would do it. Anyway. In the first week these people dropped 9-28 lbs!!! It was amazing. They work so hard. In three months these people manage to drop as much as 110lbs. Some only 50- or 60. But that is still awesome. If only I could afford a personal trainer to work with me 4 hours a day..Six or seven times a week..Yeah right. ;0)

...BIG BROTHER! I'm kind of ashamed to admit it. Its not known to be the purist of all shows. Its just a bunch of people stuck in one house. They compete and think up strategies to keep themselves and their alliances safe from eviction.. And when you are nosey, like I am, its very interesting and entertaining. To bad its over and I have moved on to better shows. ;0) until next season that is.

its not hard to get attached to people in these shows. I think that's why I like them. I want to see them succeed..and it gets me motivated.. I'm talking more about the biggest loser. It makes me want to work harder with the weight loss. Those are the only two I really watch. I'm not to interested in the others. Anyone else out there watch?

So here are some pictures to update you on life.

Stephanies Birthday. If you cant tell, we had a lot of fun. And yes, those are tambourines! I love those girls. look at how much fun we have together!

Shannons 19th Birthday! Good times. We started the night off at her house, then to some amazing Italian Restaurant in SLO. We ended the night with a dance off a between shannon and Shaun. (sisters boyfriend) It was hilarious

SAVE THE MOSQUITO'S!!!!! As Dave Way would say. That was a lot of fun. It was nice to be on staff and not have to play the disgusting games. Although, they did challenge the women staff with a sardines contest. So that pretty much didn't happen. It was awful!! Anyway, I don't know who made the posters this year, but they did a good job. I have to admit though. No one will ever do better then Mr. Shaw when he made posters for kickback. Those were some good times!

Magic Mountain! Lots of fun. It was "Christian" day so we decided to check it out. not so much for the rides but for the bands. Jeremy camp was there!! He was amazing just as I expected. Very entertaining and dreamy I must say. Shhhh don't tell my husband ;0) jk I think he would agree with me..hehe. I love that Jeremy camp makes his concert all about Jesus. That makes me happy. Thousand food Krutch played as well. I wasn't impressed. It didn't help that they were self centered and didn't mention God once. But they were entertaining I guess. All in all a great time. It was nice to get out.

Now to Tyler. He got his first tooth today!! about darn time. He will be 11 months at the end of the month. The other one is about to pop out as well. He didn't have any problem with it. Thank God! Im hoping that it will go well with the other teeth. It really didnt seem to bother him at all. I cant get a picture though. He always sticks his tongue out when I try to look. He started walking while hold on to his car. its pretty cute. Here is the video. its really bad quality sorry!!

Now a list about Tyler. I love him.

1. He says "hi" and waves. Sometimes with both hands..that's pretty cute.

2. He puts the phone up to his ear on his own hoping someone will be on the other line.

3. when he gives me a hug he goes "oooohhhhhhhh" and pats my back. hehe. I love it!!

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4. When I dance around with him he goes "la la la la la la" music to my ears ;0) you should see his smile.

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5. He stands in the window and watches me (or anyone else) when we leave. Usually waving as we walk away.

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6. He is terribly afraid of the red robin bird...poor guy!

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7. He likes to bite noses....

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8. He just might marry Cosette! He loves her!

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Can you blame him though?

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I'm not sure that she feels the same though lol

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Last picture!! My little frog. So cute.

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I'm sure there is more I can add to this. but I think it is long enough. enjoy!