babies first christmas

I still have to upload some more pictures from Christmas. but here is what I have so far. yeah, they all have Tyler in them. It is his first Christmas though.

I was pretty happy with this holiday. It actually felt like Christmas. For some reason thanksgiving was just another day to me. I dont know why. I just couldnt get in to it. Maybe because there is so more meaning to Christmas. I dunno. But it was pretty cool. Jason and I went to Christmas eve service at church. that was awesome. they turned off the lights and little by little everyone lit a candle. pretty soon the whole room was bright again. but by candle light. Jason and I also got to light a candle with 4 other couples who had babies this year. It was special to us because it was Tylers first Christmas and he is such a blessing to us. Then we went to my aunts house and opened gifts with the family. I love my family. I look forward to the holidays because we seem to spend a crazy amount of time together and im totally ok with that. I have amazing aunts and uncles, cousin, and grandparents. . Every family has their drama, but no matter what you cant help but love them. I have so much fun when Im with them. They are so supportive and caring. I really dont know what I would do without my family. well. this could go on forever. I would write more but the baby finally fell asleep and im soo tired! so here are some pictures. I will put some more up later. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

guilt..

What a weird emotion to feel at such a random time. I was just sitting here (1:30 am) looking at pictures of Tyler and thinking about how much I love him. And for some reason I felt this overwhelming pain come over me. Its hard to explain. Its like I feel bad for loving him so much and for being so happy I have him. If Ava would have lived then I wouldn't have Tyler. And I cant imagine life without him. And at the same time I'm crying because she isn't here. I miss her so much and love her so much. And I do wish that she would be here right now. But then I wouldn't have him. this is the first time I have cried over her since I had Tyler and that makes me feel horrible. I didn't replace her with him but I feel guilty. Its really hard to explain. Its just a terrible pain to deal with. I was in labor with Tyler on October 30Th. That is the date that I had her. I feel like that day was taken away from her because I didn't even have time to think about her and remember her. I think about how much I love Tyler and all the amazing thing I have and will experience with him. And it makes me sad to know that I once had a baby girl but missed out on her life because she was taken away so soon. What kind of memories would we have had? what was her personality going to be like? would she look more like me or Jason. the only memories I have of her are feeling her move around in my stomach and those two hours she was here. I remember how she put her tiny hand on her cheek and cuddled up to the blanket. I remember how beautiful she was even though she was so tiny! I thank God that I wasn't able to really remember anything except for those moments.. Sorry if this is really sad you guys. I didn't mean for it to be. I just don't understand why I'm feeling so guilty. And I'm trying to figure out if its normal or if I'm just a bad mom. I think I just need some sleep and I will feel better in the morning. ...I know that God has amazing plans for my life and for Tyler's life and everything happens for a reason. And I also know that God used Ava is amazing ways. Even though she wasn't here that long. I just thought that the random breakdowns were over. I guess not. but I'm fine! now worries ;0) I suppose this is all normal. I just need to trust in God and know that he has a plan and a reason for everything he does.

my little screaming baby.

Hello! Just thought I would do another update. Tyler is doing well. He is getting bigger and changing everyday. He is such a sweet baby, except we just found out (more like figured out) that he has colic. blah! On Sunday night he started crying and didn't stop screaming for 3-4 hours! I didn't know what to do. I fed him, burped him, changed him, walked with him. I did everything I could but he wouldn't stop screaming. I finally broke down and cried with him . lol I woke Jason up and my wonderful husband took it from there so I wouldn't have a nervous break down. Every night since then Tyler has cried for about 2-4 hours in the evening time. I called the Dr and everything pointed to Colic. That means something is hurting his tummy. So now I have to figure it out. It could be something I'm eating that is passing through the breast milk and making him sick. or he could be allergic to his formula. (he is breastfeeding and taking formula) So I have to dwindle things out of my diet to figure out what is hurting him. Its so stressful. I feel bad for him because there is nothing I can do to make him feel better. poor guy. hopefully It will go away soon. Other then that he is a very good baby.

Last night he finally slept in his bassinet all night! I only had to get up a couple of times to feed him and change him. It was great finally getting to sleep in my bed. I have had to sleep with him on my chest while I sit on the couch for the past 3 weeks.. It wasn't that bad because I was so tired that I could probably sleep anywhere. but there is nothing like sleeping in your own bed. Hopefully he keeps it up.

So. Question. Is it to early to get a Christmas tree? I'm so excited to get one. I think Tyler will really enjoy the lights. that seems to be his favorite thing right now. he could stare at them all day. He's going to love them.

Well, I don't know what else to write about. so i will just put up some picture.
oh yeah! JENN!! thanks for the shout outs on your blog. they make me happy. love you!!

Tanya and Tyler just chillin

the poop face.
I wanted to take a nice picture because he was totally happy..but then he changed his mind. He was not amused.
This is a little better.
Wide awake
I never put up any pictures from the hospital. so yeah, here ya go. See the smile on my face..that's because I wasn't aware of how freaking painful the next 20 hours would be! nice.

Tylers right after he was born. He's so small!
My first time holding my baby boy. what an amazing but overwhelming moment! (sorry for the blood)
Here is my little snorter. This face cracks me up!
He was getting sleepy and was being so sweet. I had to get a picture.
My sister stephanie and Tyler. I miss you steph!!

So jason and I went on a date and left the baby with my mom . When we got back he started crying and this is seriously the face he gave me. lol he was not happy with us.

Tyler James

Here it is. My blog. finally.

Tyler James was born October 31st. He weighed 7 lbs 11oz and was 21 inch. . .So yeah, here is how it all started.

I went to my dr's appointment on october 30th. I had a feeling that the 30th would be the day I would have him. A year ago on October 30th I had my little girl Ava. I couldnt decide If having him on that day would be a good thing or a bad thing. I just had a feeling it would happen. sure enough the Dr said I needed to be induced because I developed pre eclamspia. I swelled up, was getting dizzy and seeing black spots, and my blood pressure shot up pretty high. So I got to the hospital and was put on petosin to speed up labor and magnesium to help my blood pressure. The bad thing about the mag is that it is used to stop labor. yeah, that sucked. It made me sick and made me really really hot. And being too hot during labor is the worst. So I dealt with the pain as long as I could, but I was having back labor because the baby was turned the wrong way and stuck. So I got an ITN (like an epidural) but it wore off after and hour. So I got another one and that one wore off in an hour.....And guess where I was at when it wore off...9 cm. So I had to deliver the baby with no medicine and it was not a pretty scene. The baby got stuck and they had to use a vacuum to get him out. But after all the craziness I finally had him. The labor story was so more, but if I put it all in this blog it would go on forever. Just know that it was not a good experience and I really dont want to ever go through that again. Dont get me wrong. It was worth it. But adoption is looking pretty good right now. I cant go through that again.

So the baby got jaundice and had to go back to the hospital and be put under the lights for a couple of days. The first night back at the hospital my pre eclampsia came back and my body started preparing to have seizures. I started shaking and they took me to the ER. I ended up staying in the hospital for almost a week. There was even a point were I didnt get to see the baby for almost 2 days. it was horrible. But we are both better now and home. Thank God!

Tyler finally getting to go home!

I just want to add to this that my Husband Jason was amazing during labor. I would be lost without him.. and He was so great when the baby and I were back in the hospital. he took such great care of us. He is an amazing husband and father. I couldnt ask for more.

the baby is now 3 weeks old now and he very healthy! His skin tone is back to normal. He doesnt look like and Oompa Loompa anymore! He now weighs 9 lbs 4oz and eats a lot!

nursery

Talk about being lazy. Sorry I haven't posted a blog. To be honest, I have sat down at my computer and started typing one out at least 5-6 times. Then I get bored, or sidetracked. And I just cant seem to finish. Just to start out, here are some pictures of the nursery. Its not finished, we still have a lot to do to it. But here is a preview.

The confusing nook in the room made it really hard to figure out where to put things. So We decided the rocking chair and the hamper (or toy holder thingy) would fit nicely. I love the valence though! Its the theme of the room.

Here is a close up of the valence.
Our diaper holder thingy with a stinkin cute elephant on it.
Part of the crib and an awesome rug that I got at my shower. Thank you aunt Debbie!
The babies crib! And the super cool bedding. Jasons mom got the crib for us and my mom and grandma got the bedding. Im just bummed out that the bedding is kind of hidden by the crib, but Its still cute. We are going to put Tylers name above the crib as soon as we get the letters. Its gonna be cool.

Here is the changing table. (thanks val!) and above are some dollar store frames that I picked up. Jason cut out animals from our gift bags and put them in the frame. They ended up looking awesome! We just need something to go under them. They seem a little high up to me.

My favorite giraffe in the world.
Here is a close up of the frames. cant believe that only cost me $3! ( should I have kept that a secret? jk..ummm...they were $30...each..yeah right)

So there you go. we will post more pictures when the room is finished and clean. Its kind of a mess right now.

SO! I get my stitches taken out on Tuesday! just thought you would like to know that. Im really really hoping that I will go in to labor when they take them out. who knows what will happen. I know that Tyler is big and I really would like to get him out before he weights 10 lbs. That would suck! but I have to do whats best for him. So, the contractions are getting stronger and a little more painful. I had about 6 contractions during church this morning. They haven't really gone away. Im having about 4 an hour. Im sure its just my body getting ready for labor. Im having back pain and I feel like im going to start my period..(sorry, lots of info there) but its the truth. The baby is low and crushing everything! So im thinking he is getting ready.

So...today at church some girl was telling me that If I drink Caster oil it will induce my labor and it worked for her 2 times. I got so confused!! lol Im such dork. the first thing I though of was that oil they put in cars. I was thinking (wow, that really doesn't sound safe) so I just nodded my head and went on with my day. then It was brought to my attention that I was thinking of CASTROL oil and she was talking about CASTER oil. Two completely different things. I feel stupid. But no, I wont be drinking any oil. I here it makes you really sick . I think I will just stick it out.

Back to the cerclage thing. It will be out Tuesday. the dr said It will hurt a little big but its nothing I cant handle . So im sure I will be fine. maybe I will go on a five mile walk and let gravity do its thing. haha. yeah right. I cant even check the mail without feeling like im going to die ;0) anyway, there is my update. I hve a lot more to write about but jason needs the computer and I need sleep. I will update more later. byebye!

the baby at 8 months

So the baby is 32 weeks and 3 days. He is measuring pretty big and they think he is about 5 lbs. so we might be looking at a 9 lb baby! lol nice huh? well..in the pictures he is holding his foot up to his mouth, its pretty cute. he also looks like he is wearing a shower cap in some of the pictures. hehe.
..................................in this picture it looks like he is hugging a doll or something. while wearing a shower cap. lol
..................................look at his cheeks!! it looks like he is blowing a kiss...with his foot ;0)
.........................you can see his little hand holding his foot up to his mouth. I wonder what he is doing? Its looks like he is kissing his foot!!
So..im pretty tired so Im not going to write much. just thought I would share the pictures!

another attempt

ok. so here is another attempt at writing a blog. Im seriously to lazy to do this. lol and that's sad. So My sister Stephanie was here for about 5 days to visit. I wish we could have spent all our time with her but we had to share her with other people. Anyway, We went to dinner a lot. Had some family bbq's and just hung out. It was a lot of fun. I miss her already. I wish her and her husband could move back. Its really hard not having her here. Here are some pictures from her visit.

My cousin anthony playing outside in the water. he is so cute!

Stephanie and my cousin alicia sitting around at my grandmas house

Steph and my cousin Keven being silly.

Steph and amanda

My mom and Stephanie at the airport. Dont leave stephy!!!

Steph and Anthony

My daddy and Steph outside of applebees.

The whole family. me, sam, My mom, steph, my dad and my weird brother in the back

steph and I....and half of sams face..lol sorry sam

My daddy and his girls. Sam almost made it in the picture ;0)

Stephanie opening her gifts at aunt debbies house

Im really sad she is gone. But we will most likely be seeing her in December. that will be a great Christmas present!

So....Jason, jessica, Ryan, kyle, shann, chris and I went "golfing" at boomers. It was a lot of fun. I pretty much suck at Golf guys. It was sad. here are some pics.

I have no clue what Jason is looking at.

I had them pose for this picture..nice huh?

poor kyle. Those are not friendly faces!

Awww. Jessica is so cute!

Guys...I think Im getting fat..(or im just 7 1/2 months prego...who knows?

Sometimes jason beats up Delaby. Its not very nice.

Ryan concentrating on his golf skills.

My hubby and I . Kind of a weird picture. But I like it.

Well. thats about it. Just so you all know, In two weeks Im going back to the Dr to get my 4d ultrasound done of the baby. Im so excited! So I will be posting some pictures then. Everything is going great with the baby. He is healthy and active. I cant wait until he gets here!