Christmas tree, oh christmas tree

I'm happy to say that my Christmas tree has lasted the whole month of December!!! After seeing the reports on the news, I was almost positive it would go up in flames. In fact, I dreamed that I lost everything in a terrible house fire caused by the neglect of my Christmas tree. The amazing tree didn't even dry up. I'm thinking about keeping it up year round just to see how long Pamela will last. ;0) (highly unlikely).In case your wondering, that is what I named my tree. In some weird way it seemed to fit. Jason and I started a tradition last year of watching a Christmas Story and Spongebob Christmas on Christmas Eve..So much fun! I hope we stick with it.

Christmas turned out great.. I felt the same overwhelming love for Christ that I have been feeling this past month. Maybe a little more. I think I actually truly felt the whole meaning of Christmas this year. Of course I grew up knowing that it is was the Celebration of Christ birth,and I always say a little prayer. But this year was different. Maybe because I have had to depend on him so much this year.. Its sad that it took a tragedy to truly give myself to the Lord, But I guess it was all in his plan.

The only thing that bummed me out was the vibe at my grandmas house on Christmas Eve.I tried to cheer people up, but its hard when your heart is breaking at the same time. It has just been a hard year for a lot of us. Its hard to understand why Christmas brings out sadness when it is supposed to be a happy, joyful day. I have been doing fine, but when I woke up on Christmas I just felt an overwhelming sense of sadness for Ava. I suppose it is just a human emotion that wont really go away. and its OK if it doesn't. As long as the God is with us we are fine.

The one gift that really got to me this year is a beautiful necklace that my sister Stephanie got for me. Its two white gold hearts with diamonds in it. at first I thought "oh how beautiful. that's a very sweet gift (and expensive gift)." then I turned the necklace over and read what was engraved on the back...

"A mother holds her daughters heart forever"

And I cried. And the gift was no longer just beautiful and expensive. It is a beautiful reminder of blessing that was given to us, even for just a short time.

Well, I hope you all had a great Christmas. I know I did. I'm so glad to have spent it with family and friends! I hope the same for you! love you all!

PS..Sorry if I write about the baby to much. I suppose that's what a blog is for. writing about your thoughts..anyway, love you.