Today was weird... I have good days, weeks even...But then I have those random days when I am just a mess. Little things get to me. Seeing pregnant people really gets me.. Having friends call me up to tell me they are pregnant gets to me. Its not their fault, im not mad at them. It just hurts me for some reason. Im happy for them and wish them the best and want to be a part of their lives. I just can't handle it right now I guess. I guess I thought God would heal me overnight. I actually thought he did. But I suppose its all in him timing. Maybe People never heal from losing a baby. Who knows...I just know that God gives me peace and gets me through the day. He will never give me more then I can handle.. Today is today. Its almost over.. Tomorrow should be better.
A lot of people have asked me what my future will be like as far as having children. Dont be afraid to ask questions, I dont mind. Im ok talking about it. I will be able to have children. When I get pregnant I will have a surgery called a cerclage. Basically to close my cervix..(I wont go into detail..I know you guys out there get a little uncomfortable with this stuff.) Anway, I will have the surgery at 12 weeks. Then its bedrest. Basically my cervix isnt strong enough to hold the weight of a baby..so when Ava reached a certain weight, I pretty much went into labor. The cerclage will hold the baby in. But I cant get out of bed except to take a shower, go to the bathroom, eat...Its a gravity thing. The surgery works 90-95% of the time. So yeah, I can have children. I just have to be on bedrest for 6 months...so there ya go. ;0) We will be trying again in March or April. We just want to give Ava her time. Her due date was in March.....
love you all!
AShley
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3 comments:
It's normal to feel a little resentment/jealousy towards pregnant people. It's like me going to weddings.. it kind of makes me want to curse. :o) I love you Ashley, hope you had fun seeing the good Dr.!
oh Ashley! Im glad you are writting about Ava. This blog made me cry! And when i heard that day what happend, everytime throughout the day i thought about it, i cried! (and prayed!) I am so sorry! I know we hardley even know eachother, but i hope that changes, cuz i feel a conection with you :P
i know how you feel about the looking at pregnant people and feeling sad. i felt the same way, but then God blessed us with Wesley only a couple months after my miscariage! We were verry excited, but now that i look back, i think you are right, in that you should wait a while. Give it some time.
That sux you have to be on bed rest! oh my only get up to pee an shower!? But how awsome that you are able to have children with the opperation!
Go God!
:P
Well, i better be off, taking the hub to work then taking wes to a playground before it starts to rain!!!
I hope to see you at church Sunday.
Love, and Hugs
Bethany
YOu got the right Chelsey and I'm glad you're you can talk about this kind of sutff! I'm happy that you can have another baby and if there is anything I can do for you when you are stuck in bed or even now please let me know. You're a good kid! Oh yeah and Dustin and I are doing great. Tomorrow is our 6 year anniversary! love ya!
Chels
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